the way i loved you.

chapter thirty six - you're losing me

"we thought a cure would through in time, now, i fear it won't."
- taylor swift

In the quiet confines of Jackson's living room, I mustered the courage to express my growing concerns. I could feel a distance between us that gnawed at me, and I needed answers.

"Jackson, we need to talk," I said, my voice tinged with a mix of frustration and worry.

He glanced up from his work, a hint of annoyance in his expression. "Can it wait, Astoria? I've got a lot on my plate right now."

"No, it can't wait," I asserted, taking a deep breath. "I feel like we're drifting apart, and I can't shake the feeling that you're not as invested in us as you used to be."

Jackson sighed, setting aside his work. "Astoria, it's just a busy time at work. It doesn't mean I'm not committed to us."

"But it's not just about work," I continued, my emotions bubbling to the surface. "I need to feel like we're in this together, that you still want us to be 'us.'"

He furrowed his brow, a hint of frustration in his eyes. "Are you just looking for an excuse to go running back to Jason? Is that it?"

I was taken aback by the accusation. "No, Jackson, it's not about him. It's about us, our relationship. I need to know you're still with me in this."

Our words hung heavy in the air, the tension escalating. I grappled with a storm of emotions, wondering if this conversation would bring clarity or further push us apart.

Frustration boiled within me as I poured my emotions into the confrontation with Jackson. The weight of silence pressed on me, intensifying my agitation.

"Say something, Jackson!" I finally shouted, my voice resonating in the room. "Do something! This silence is driving me crazy."

Jackson looked at me, his expression inscrutable. The room seemed to hang in suspended animation as we stood in the midst of an emotional tempest.

"Are you even listening to me?" I demanded, my patience waning.

He sighed, breaking the silence but not in the way I had hoped. "I am, Astoria. I just have a lot on my mind right now."

Frustration turned to exasperation. "That's not an excuse, Jackson. We're supposed to be a team. If you're going through something, we should face it together."

He leaned back, running a hand through his hair. "I just need some time to sort things out. It doesn't mean I don't care about us."

I felt torn between my desire for understanding and the palpable strain in our relationship. The room echoed with the unresolved tension as we navigated the storm threatening to redefine our connection.

The room hung heavy with tension as Jackson's words lingered in the air. My frustration escalated into a torrent of emotions, and I felt a mixture of disappointment and anger.

"Time? How much time do you need, Jackson?" I questioned, my voice a blend of hurt and exasperation. "We can't just put everything on hold indefinitely. I need to know where we stand."

Jackson looked conflicted, caught between his personal struggles and my expectations. "Astoria, I'm dealing with a lot right now. It's not about us; it's about me figuring things out."

My eyes welled with tears as I felt the distance growing between us. "You're shutting me out, Jackson. I can't help you if you won't let me in."

He sighed, frustration evident in his features. "I'm not trying to shut you out. I just need space to handle things on my own."

My heart sank, realizing the chasm widening between us. "But what about us? What about our relationship? Can't we face whatever it is together?"

Jackson hesitated, the weight of our unraveling connection palpable. "I don't want to lose you, Astoria, but I need time to figure out how to fix myself."

The words hung in the air, a stark acknowledgment of the challenges ahead. In that moment, I grappled with the uncertainty of our future, torn between my love for Jackson and the need for a connection that felt less elusive.

My frustration reached a boiling point as I struggled to comprehend the complexity of our situation. I took a deep breath, my voice trembling with a mix of anger and desperation.

"I'm not asking you to have everything figured out, Jackson, but I need to know that you're willing to work through this together. We've been through so much, and I thought we could face anything as a team."

Jackson ran a hand through his hair, a sign of his own internal turmoil. "I'm not saying we can't, Astoria. I just need some time to sort through my thoughts and deal with my own issues."

I, feeling a sense of urgency, pressed further. "And what about us? Are you even invested in 'us' anymore? Because right now, it feels like you're pulling away."

Jackson's expression tightened, a mixture of guilt and frustration. "Of course, I care about us, but I can't be the partner you need right now if I'm not in the right headspace."

My eyes flashed with a mixture of hurt and defiance. "So, what? I should just wait around until you decide I'm worth your time again? I won't be your backup plan, Jackson."

Jackson's silence spoke volumes, and I, unable to bear the uncertainty any longer, shook my head. "I can't keep waiting for you to figure things out. I deserve someone who's ready to be present in this relationship."

Tension hung in the air as their words echoed in the room. I, with a heavy heart, turned away, signaling the end of our fight and, perhaps, a chapter in our relationship that seemed increasingly fragile.

I, feeling emotionally drained after the intense conversation with Jackson, sought solace in the familiar comfort of Melanie. I walked into our shared living space, where Melanie was engrossed in playing the piano.

Melanie sensed my distress and stopped playing, looking up with concern. "What happened, Astoria? You look upset."

I sighed, sinking onto the nearby couch. "It's just... everything, Mel. Jackson and I had another fight, and I don't know where we stand anymore. It's like we're drifting apart."

Mel joined me on the couch, offering a supportive presence. "Do you want to talk about it? Sometimes it helps to share what's on your mind."

I opened up, expressing the complexities of my emotions. "I don't know if I can keep doing this, Mel. I thought being with Jackson would bring stability, but lately, it feels like we're on two different paths. And the worst part is, I don't know if I'm strong enough to let go."

Melanie placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. "It's okay to feel lost, Astoria. Relationships are complicated, and sometimes you need to prioritize your own well-being. If Jackson isn't giving you what you need, maybe it's time to reassess."

I nodded, appreciating my sister's understanding. "I just wish things were simpler, you know? It's like I'm caught between holding onto the past with Jason and trying to find a future with Jackson. I don't know where I belong anymore."

Melanie squeezed my hand. "You'll figure it out, Astoria. Give yourself the time and space to make the right decision for you. And remember, I'm here for you no matter what."

As we shared a moment of sisterly support, I found a glimmer of comfort in knowing I had someone to lean on during these tumultuous times.