With Him || Heehoon

CHAP 20

Heeseung's POV

I'm done for. Everything I've managed to build and develop, whoop, straight into the ocean. Gone.

I can't believe me. How stupid can I really be? Really heeseung? You kiss him? You kiss him now?

He's clearly not prepared. Sunghoon is nowhere near prepared for all my feelings towards him. Why the hell did I do that?

I think I know the answer to that but still, I shouldn't have. I have no I idea what's running through his mind right now.

He stood frozen on my porch for a solid minute before reluctantly walking away.

He's gonna punch me. The minute he sees me next, he's gonna punch me.

I couldn't help it. I couldn't resist. I have all this feelings threatening to burst out and spending time so much with him clearly isn't helping. It was my plan to have sunghoon help me everywhere.

My leg did hurt but not to the extent of needed help around and this isn't first time I've sprained something. Crutches are like another arm extension to me.

I wanted to spend time together with him. To become inseparable to a level and I'm even surprised sunghoon agreed it to. I expected him to refuse and call me bluff but he didn't.

Everything worked. We were attached all day. I could feel his warmth around me. I could feel his biceps and at a point his abs too. My mind was going crazy trying to imagine how he's gonna feel shirtless.

Then his face was another problem, every few moments, we'll both turn together and end up with our faces inches apart. His eyes is just enough to turn me on, talk more of his lips, his perfect defined jawline. Perfectly dirty black hair and just everything that makes up sunghoon.

Watching him tutor was weirdly fun. Who knew intelligence was so fucking sexy. Down side was seeing him with sunoo.

Yes researched the boy, sue me. I've never seen sunghoon playful with anyone, he's barely playful with me even but with this sunoo boy, it's different. They are nothing but I can't help the jealousy.

I want sunghoon, I want him to know that I want him and I want everybody to know that too.

I guess that's what drove me to kiss him, I was going for lips but I didn't want risk a black eye, so I went for the cheek. 

I hope he let this pass. I really hope and pray so. I can't afford not having him in my life. I would've gone for a run but I couldn't, not with my bad leg. 

well on the bright side, today made me notice how tired sunghoon was. he was so tired and and busy too. he didn't hear or acknowledge his growling stomach.

I did. I wanted him to take a break. I wanted to take care of him. ease his problems and make him smile all through. I am happy I did one thing right at least today. I made him eat. 

I went up to my room and looked out at the window to sunghoon's room. maybe I'm overthinking this. sunghoon is too busy focusing or remember a lame peck from a friend right?

Maybe he's forgotten about all this.

I picked up my phone to do text him but I changed my mind and decided to call. Then I changed my mind and settled on texting, then dropped the phone, too nervous to do anything.

My mind was saying all this maybes but I knew the answer. Sunghoon is not gonna brush this.

I couldn't sleep so I busied myself with tossing a basket ball up and down. Before long I found myself crutching down to my mom's bedroom.

"Hey mom? You asleep?" I asked my head peeking through the door.

She was staring at her computer but she looked up, acknowledging my presence.

"No son, come on in."

I walked to her sitting on the bed in silence as I thought of a way to voice my problem.

My mom was a psychologist and I always tell her my problems. We talk a lot.

"What's wrong? Is it the leg?" She asked.

"No, worse then that."

"Speak child, I'm getting nervous."

I smiled and sighed then turn so I'll be facing her.

"I like someone."

"Um.... Okay?"

"A.. guy." I cleared up, warily looking at her.

"Hmm." She said removing her closed laptop from her leg and pulling her knees to herself. "So?"

I sighed running a hand through my hair. "I don't think he feels the same way. I mean, he doesn't seem gay and clearly a relationship is the last thing on his mind. Talk more of one like this."

"One like what?" My mom asked calmly.

"Like this. Like gay. It's just so toxic and-- and
.."

"Wrong." She supplied

"No." I said sharply looking up at her and then lowered my gaze. "Not to me it's not."

My mom Smiled reaching for my hands, "Ethan. When did you know or feel you're gay?"

I shrugged "I've always had this feelings you know but I was just sure some weeks ago,  after we returned. When I saw the boy I have feelings for."

She smiled, "I want to squeal right now."

"Mom stay in, I'm talking to minji right now." I chuckled.

"Right. Heeseung you can't say for sure that he's ready or not. I mean you yourself weren't sure until you saw him. You should show him what he's missing on. There's absolutely nothing wrong and complex about being gay. With love it can never be more right." She laughed a little.

Love?

"What If he doesn't see it that way? What if he's completely straight and ends up hating me?"

"Then he should tell you himself. Don't assume for him. Give him time, take it slowly. Be a good friend and love with all you have. I don't think we can ever find in a situation we can't handle. Respect his decisions though, no means no!"

I sighed freeing my hands from hers. "Well, I think I did something stupid. I kissed him. Well just a peck on the cheek."

"Hmm. If you think it's time then confess your feelings. If you don't think it's time, then you can just play it off. A kiss on the cheek is nothing to fuss about."

I sighed again finally feeling a bit relieved. "Thanks mom."

"You really like him?"

"So much." I answered with a nod.

"Oh baby don't worry, it'll work out. sunghoon's a good kid."

'Yea I kno-- sunghoon?" I asked totally surprised.

"Oops. Did I say that out loud?"

By the time I was out of my mom's room, the rain was already falling heavily outside. I made my way back to my window to check on sunghoon. His lights were still off.

I'll talk to him tomorrow. I am not ready to confess anything so I'll have to play it off. I hope it works out.

The other day sunghoon said he remembered everything. I can't help but wonder if everything also includes our first kiss.

Well, I can never forget it. And if sunghoon has, he'd definitely remember it now.

The kiss that almost made me lose my mind.

________

Fck taking a break. I can't do that. The chapters are lame or not you guys have to bare with me. 😭

Sorry for any grammatical errors. Didn't recheck for spelling mistake. Sorry for that too.

Thanks for reading my lame story 👽✨

Have a great day 🦋💗

- Jay's side crush -