Breaking Point

Honest feelings...

Nezu: Very well, now shall we come to the point why I wanted to talk with you.

Me: Do we have too?

Nezu: Yes.

Me: ....

Nezu: I see that you do not like me at all. Are you perhapse afraid of me?

Me: Cautious and let's be honest you could do soo many cruel things without leaving an evidence behind.

Nezu: That is true, yet I am a pro hero.

Me: One that the whole outside world doesn't like and got back to being a principal of a school to teach for that reason.

Nezu: You think you know a lot?

Me: I do know a lot, not everything but enough. It's mandatory if you want to survive out there.

Nezu: It is a shame that you had to live through such a harsh life.

Me: Life is life.

Nezu: It is still something which should have not happened. The system failed here and for that, I am sincerely apologising.

I would have never thought to hear an apology coming from the rat but here he was doing it anyways. The hard fact here was, that this was not even his fault. He was not the one who told my mother to be a bitch, he was not the one responsible for people to think badly about quirkless people and he was not putting more oil to a wound like Bakugo and his minions or any person I actually knew before.

Nezu: I know that your past is not pretty and it should have not ended like this. However right now, you have the choice of changing it. I do know that none of this was your choice. It was I, who had forced you to come here and didn't give you a second chance about not to come here. Now, I want to ask you after being here for a while, do you regret being here?

Me: Huh? What is this supposed to mean?

Nezu: I am asking for your opinion right now as when I had decided instead of you, you were in no situation to talk to anyone. All that was on your mind was suicide. However I believe that it has changed.

How in the world does he know about this?

This is unreal.

How did he really find out that I am not thinking about offering myself the last couple of days...

I don't know what changed and it is bothering me.

I .... it's confusing.

Why do I feel like this?

Am I attached to this place?

These people?

This place?

This feeling?

Wait no?

Why am I starting to question myself here and now?

The thing that Nezu were saying did make sense and I knew that he was right, especially with the not so suicidal bit anymore. The last time I tried, I was more than glad to wake up again and I was really confused afterwards why I felt this way. Somehow I already knew the answer to everything but I still decided to ignore it. Fact is, I was getting attached to the feeling they were giving me. They treated me nicely like a person and not like a vermin which I was used to, the kidness that was  behind every single one of their action as well as just thinking and asking me stuff that I would like to have, or do or how I felt.... all this was new to me and I had to say... it made me addicted to it.

Me: Why do you believe that?

Nezu: Just a hunch.

Me: ....

Nezu: Now then, I would like to know what you think about UA and staying here.

Me: What I think about it? 

Nezu: Yes.

Me: I think this school is quite the big shot when it comes to being a hero school. 

Nezu: Indeed but that is not what I was asking and we both know this.

Me: Yeah.... honestly, this feels still weird to me. I know that no one would actually accept me even if I graduate from here.

Nezu: As a lime light hero, perhapse but actions speak more than a past. You may change their opinion one day. However, if you decide to be an underground hero, then there is no one who will judge you.

Me: Me, and underground hero?

Nezu: Indeed. You may as well join an investigation team and assist the police.

Me: I am a person who killed soo many people.

Nezu: And was given a second chance. Do not throw that away. There will not be a third one.

Me: I know... I know....

Nezu: Perhapse, you are scared about the future and the changes?

Me: ....

I was baffled. He really hit the point. The truth was... I knew that the future was not set in place and I also knew that I could easily change peoples opinion about me too. BUT that is no guarantee and I was scared to find out what would happen if this was not working out? Where would I go? Would I even have a way back? No, I already knew that that would certainly be the end of me... but I was scared now thinking about it. 

Was this how I really should feel when all I wanted for a good while was death?

Now I was scared of it and I wanted to live... I wanted to see tomorrow and live in it... I... I was a hopeless case for sure.