One day I'll have it all. // Williamson

COYG

One word was enough to describe the first 15 minutes of my car ride with Leah; awkward.

None of us knew what to say. I didn't want to look at her, it would've been awkward of me to stare. And I didn't want to look at my phone, I didn't want to look rude. So I just stared straight ahead, anxiously playing with the hair tie on my wrist.

Leah had put some music on, but it was so low I barely could decipher in what language were they singing. My left foot was tapping against the floor, faster and faster as minutes passed.

I always sucked at conversing. I searched deep back into my brain for a random subject I could approach. But she beat me to it.

"So, I heard you say you were a Gooner since forever." She said, a smile tugging at her lips. I wasn't sure what to answer to that.

Because I was. The phone wallpaper, red and white bedroom, Arsenal tattoo, Jersey collection type of Gooner. But admitting that felt so weird. Because it meant admitting that I had a huge poster of her face right in front of my bed. Awkward.

I decided to go for a joke, hoping it wouldn't make things worse.

"I have your face tattooed on my back. Big time." I said, using the most serious tone possible.

Leah burst into laughter, and the tension in the car seemed to dissipate. Her infectious laughter was a melody that turned the awkward atmosphere into a more comfortable one.

"No way! Really?" She teased, a playful glint in her eyes.

I couldn't help but smile at her response, realizing that the ice was breaking. "Nah, just kidding. I only have Katie's face."

"Katie's face, huh? Good choice. She's got that charismatic smile," Leah quipped, giggling. I laughed softly, nodding.

"No, but seriously. I have like, an Arsenal tattoo, but it's not anyone's face. I'm not that crazy."

"Oh yeah? What's the tattoo?" She asked, looking over at me for a second as if trying to spot it.

"Behind my ear, it says COYG, in red, really thin."

Leah raised an eyebrow, clearly intrigued. "COYG, huh? I like that. Dedication."

I chuckled, feeling more at ease as the conversation flowed. "Yeah, it's my first tattoo ever. Maybe my last, too. It's just- Arsenal followed me my whole life, I couldn't not do it."

The car ride continued with a newfound ease as we delved into our shared love for Arsenal. Leah shared anecdotes from her early years as a player and the journey that led her to become the formidable force she was on the pitch. It was surreal to hear her talk about moments that, until now, I had only witnessed as a fan through a screen.

I asked her tons of questions, all about football, and she answered them willingly. It just made me more and more excited to finally start a career of my own.

"So, aside from being a Gooner, what else fills your days?" Leah inquired, a genuine curiosity in her eyes.

I chuckled, realizing how football-centric our conversation had been. "Well, I can't tell you everything the first day. Gotta keep some mystery, right?"

Leah laughed again, and gosh I loved when she did that. "Fair enough, California. Gotta keep some secrets for the next car ride."

Leah pulled up in front of my apartment building, and I couldn't help but feel a twinge of disappointment that the ride was coming to an end.

"Thank you for the ride, really, you didn't have to do that," I said, and she immediately put a hand up, as if stopping me from thanking her. "Do you wanna come in? I can make some coffee." I said, then immediately corrected myself. "Actually I can't. I have like, nothing. I have tap water. Or soy sauce from my yesterday's takeout."

Leah chuckled at my offer, a playful glint in her eyes. "As tempting as soy sauce and tap water sounds, I'll pass. Maybe next time when you've stocked up a bit."

I laughed, hiding my disappointment as best as I could. "Sure, next time."

"Give me your phone." She said, before I could open the car door. I frowned at her request, watching her extended arm.

I unlocked my phone and handed it to her, quite puzzled. When she took it, she smirked seeing my wallpaper, which I suddenly remembered was a picture of Vivianne celebrating a goal.  She didn't comment on it, though, simply tapped something off my phone before handing it back to me.

"Here, you've got my number now. Text me if you need anything. And when you wanna have a proper dinner. We'll throw you a welcome party, yeah?"

The invitation caught me off guard, and a smile spread across my face. "Yeah, that sounds great. Thanks, Leah. I appreciate it."

She winked at me before I stepped out of the car. As I closed the door, Leah drove away, leaving me standing in front of my apartment building with a huge and very dumb smile on my face.

I felt a surge of energy take me, and I raced inside my apartment. I closed the door behind me hastily before throwing my body on the couch and FaceTiming Charlotte.

Charlotte almost immediately answered. By the look on her face, it was very early in Los Angeles. That didn't seem to bother her, though. She was too curious about my day to care.

"Spill! How was it? Tell me everything," Charlotte exclaimed, her eyes widening with excitement, not even bothering to tell me good morning.

"It was insane. Like, I got all my clothes now, my Arsenal gear, and it's free! And I've met Coach Jonas, and everyone else! I did my first interview, and then I ate at a table with... with Beth, and Viv, and Leah, and, even Lotte, you know I love lotte. It was... like a dream. And Leah drove me home, she's so nice. I can't believe it. This whole day has been crazy," I gushed, barely able to contain my excitement.

Charlotte's eyes sparkled with delight as she listened to my animated account. "Wow, sounds like you're living the dream. And Leah Williamson drove you home? That's like, a whole new level of cool."

I nodded enthusiastically, my grin refusing to fade. "Right? And guess what? She gave me her number. I have Leah Williamson's number on my phone! Can you believe it?"

"Can you give it to me?" She asked, and I laughed, rolling my eyes. "Seriously though. She drove you home? You're bout to get freaky with Willy?"

I burst out laughing at her question. "Shut up, Lotte. You suck."

"Like you wouldn't want that, you liar!" She said, and I immediately stopped laughing, sighing softly.

"You know I'm ace, Charlotte," I said, and she groaned, shaking her head.

"You're not ace. You're a lesbian who's too scared of what her mom's gonna do to her if she comes out."

At her words, I cut the conversation short. "Okay, I have things to do, I'll talk to you soon," I said, hanging up before Charlotte had enough time to call my name.

I threw my phone on the rug of my living room and stared at the floor for a good ten minutes.

I always hated it when Charlotte said that about me. Because maybe she was right. Because no one knew me as well as she did. Even myself, sometimes.

And she was right, if my mom learned I was gay, real or not, she'd hate me for the rest of her days.

Maybe it was the genesis of it all; of my fear of relationships, of my fear of rejection, of why it didn't bother me one bit to leave my parents' house as soon as I could.

Maybe my mom thought the same thing as Charlotte. Maybe that was why she hadn't even checked on me to see if I had landed in London yesterday.

Maybe London was a way of letting myself be myself. I had no idea.

Dwelling into my feelings never seemed like something I would actually do. Most of the time, when feelings popped up in my heart, I'd put earphones on so loud I'd mask all of my thoughts.

The sound of a horn coming from outside took me out of my thoughts. I looked up to the nearest window. London's sky started to show a semblance of blue. I had a lot to do today still, and I knew it.

I dragged myself out of my couch and started looking for my earphones, knowing my next stop had to be a grocery store of sorts.