willow (a reneé rapp story)

messy

tw: eating disorder

*time skip 2 days*

willow's pov:

reneé's been calling me and messaging me none stop, i've ignored every single one.

kali and alex have been staying at mine for the past two days, they know how fragile i can be and they don't want me to be alone, also i think alex feels guilty. i'm not mad at him though, he couldn't just refuse to produce it.

i'm currently laying in my bed, my eyes are tired and my cheeks are covered in dry tears.

i called my dad and told him everything, he told me to give reneé a chance to explain but i don't think there's anything to explain.

it's not that simple,  just because i love her and she loves me doesn't mean we should be together, she's still got alissa and a fucking amazing album as much as i hate to admit it. she doesn't need me.

*knock kock*

"who is it" i shout.

"it's me, mami" i hear kali say.

"come in!" i shout back.

"you okay? you want some food?" she asks.

"no thanks i'm not hungry"

"come on willow you haven't eaten in 2 days" she sits down on the foot of my bed with a concerned look on her face "for me? please"

i hate making her worry but i can't eat right now. reneé loves me but doesn't want to be with me. i'm not good enough. i'm never fucking good enough.

"no and stop asking me to" i say getting frustrated.

"okay i'll leave you alone" kali says sighing, she leaves and shuts the door behind her with a sad look on her face.

i feel so out of control, the whole world can hear those fucking songs about me. all those private feelings and moments, my mistakes, reneé's mistakes. that fucking song that she made to comfort me turned into my worst nightmare.

the only thing i can control is food, kali and alex don't understand it, they think that i'm doing it to be "skinnier" but i'm not. i'm doing it because it's the only thing that makes me feel in control.

i need to feel in control but reneé makes me feel so out of control, but maybe that's what love is?

reneé's pov:

i haven't left my bed in days. willow won't talk to me. i called kali and she won't let me talk to willow, neither will alex. i fucked it up. i'm fucked up.

i lay staring at me ceiling and start humming. slowly words start filling my brain and i sing

"but i know how to make myself crazy
loving me gets messy
messy
it gets messy
half of all my ex's regret me
but none of them will ever forget me
loving me gets really messy"

it's a slow song right now but i think it could be kinda cool sped up, i quickly grab my phone and write the lyrics before i get a notification on my phone.

*ding*

willow baby💞
hey

i sit up straight away. oh my god. i text back instantly.

nae😉
hi

willow baby💞
do you love me?

nae😉
of course i do
i've loved you since my birthday
i broke up with alissa
it's always been you