seven ; walker scobell

chapter fifteen; too well

"I felt good, but it sucks. I don't hate you as much, it's easier holding a grudge." too well ; reneé rapp

Dear Marina,

I miss you. More than anything. In moments like these I wish you were here to tell me what to do.

I wanted to live my life better for you, but it's hard. I feel like the world's against me. You would tell me that the world punishes the best people, so they can become better. But it's doesn't feel like that at the moment.

I'm in love with Walker. There, I said it. You're the first person I've admitted that to and you aren't even here to know. But he isn't in love with me. I thought we almost kissed, a while ago. But he never mentioned it again. He hasn't made an effort to talk to me much since. Is this his way of rejecting me? Because I feel rejected. He ran off with another girl today, and lied about it. He gets so jealous, but he does the exact same thing.

Im sick of feeling like this. Like Im the last choice. There are so many people that I know want me, and would put in so much effort for me, yet I want the one who wants nothing to do with me. I can't help it. Love sucks.

It's almost been eight years now, Marina. I still struggle to believe that you're gone sometimes. I still hate dad for what he did to you. To us. To our family. I've written thousands of letters to you, and none to him. Because I have nothing to say.

I love you. And I'm only still living for you. I hope Dad is rotting in hell,

Love, May xo

BY THE END of the letter, I found myself sobbing. The page beneath me was soaked with large, wet tears. The ink began to bleed a little, but it didn't matter. Marina always understood what I was trying to say, even if the words were muddled or it didn't make sense.

I knew that I wasn't normal. I had too many emotions, my past was rocky and sad, and I was so insanely difficult. But what I didn't know was why I didn't deserve an explanation. From Walker. From my Dad. From my Sister. It got all too much, to the point where I felt like I couldn't breathe.

I had noticed that Walker messaged me last night. I hadn't responded yet, because I didn't know what to say to him. I didn't know if I wanted to hear what he had to say. I didn't know if I was ready.

We need to talk. What an ominous statement.

It angered me that he had the audacity to use such direct language, after being indirect with me all week. Hell, all month. I was sick of it. I was annoyed, and I wanted answers. So I picked up my phone.

seaweed brain 🩵

seaweed brain 🩵
we need to talk.

oh cool now you wanna talk?

seaweed brain 🩵
don't be like that, maya
yk it's complicated