𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐃 𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐄𝐒

twenty-five

Sᴋʏᴇ Aᴢᴀɴɪ Bʀᴏᴏᴋs
ᴀᴜɢᴜsᴛ 10 ₂₀₁₈ 📍ᴍᴇᴍᴘʜɪs
♤

"Zani." I heard a familiar voice knock on my door. Because of the news i got this morning i didn't go to school today even though it was friday. "Can I come in?" My mom asked.

"It's unlocked." I said and i heard the doorknob twist opening the door. Chaos got a call earlier saying the police found a body that fit the description of my sister. He and my mom went down to the morgue to identify the body this morning.

"It wasn't her." She said but that still didn't change my mood. We had no way of knowing if my sister was safe, being fed properly, taken care of, or just okay in general.

"Zani you gotta get up, it's no reason for you to be moping around laying in bed, you should've went to school." She fussed.

"I got up already and took a shower all that." I mumbled. "You the one that told me they found Yanna body when Chaos said it was just somebody that fit her description, now you coming back saying it's not her expecting me to be nonchalant?" I asked.

"I don't even know why Chaos chooses to put you in grown people business, ain't shit to fucking cry about Yanna is grown—But you know what she doing and and anything can happen." I lowly raised my voice cutting her off.

My sister and my mother never got along, but just because she acting like that don't mean i gotta act the same way.

"Yanna don't give a fuck about you for you to miss a day in school to mope and cry in bed like a bitch." She said and whatever i was about to say before she said that, i just kept it to myself and kept quiet. This how it always is.

"She been missing for months and now you wanna stay in bed and cry? You don't see me moping around and i'm a mother, i still have shit to do." She raised her voice.

I didn't understand that at all. Chaos took me in, she signed over her rights, so what "shit" is she doing for me for real.

I hated the fact that i couldn't put my hands on my mama, if anything that's what made me frustrated the most. I know my mama been through a lot of bad shit and went through hard times. And as fucked up as it sounds i learned that people can only give you what they got and the way my mama life set up she don't got nothing left in her to give, hurt people can hurt people.

That's why she signed her rights over in the first place.

"Get up Zani i'm not playing, i'm finna go." She yelled. I sighed as I raised up against my headboard.

"Man the fuck up Zani, you getting older." She left out and slammed my door.

I grabbed my phone wanting to text Reign but i remembered she was still at school. I thought about it before getting out of bed.

I knew chaos was gone so I snuck into his room. I was looking for something specific in the medicine cabinet he had in the bathroom behind the mirror.

I opened it and grabbed the bottle of cough syrup that had the word promethazine in bold letters on the front. I took the small little cup off the cap of the bottle cleaning it out before pouring the cough syrup in the cup up to 15ml.

After i drunk what was in the cup i cleaned it again putting it back how i found it, going back to my room. I was left alone to feel like i was wrong for having emotions and despite what Reign assured me, my mama's words still wondered in my head. I couldn't help but to feel like i couldn't physically deal with my emotions. To feel like it's wrong for me to cry.... so i wanted to feel numb. Maybe even sleep so my mind can stop wondering.