What is Love

Chapter 12:

Dez

"Whether the baby ends up being mine or not you can keep what little bit of things I did buy. I won't be buying anything else tho until I know for sure if she is mine or not." I said to Teyana.

I came over here early this morning to give her all of the things I brought for the baby. I didn't need it at the house rubbing all this shit into Tara's face more than it already has been. I was so stuck in my own ways that I didn't even realize that all of this is hurting her, I am hurting her. When honestly none of this is my intentions. Regardless of the shit we go through I love Tara and that is never gonna change.

"Thanks." Teyana said looking over all the stuff I gave her.

"Yup. You got my number, call me when the baby is born." I said before turning and walking away.

Now I just wanna make things right with the woman I love, Tara, and keep it that way.

.....

*

"What the fuck?" I mumble coming into the house to see packed boxes at the door.

I look up seeing Tara coming down the steps carrying another box. "Tara what the fuck is going on?"

"I'm done Dez."

"What? But-"

"I'm done. I'm over it, been over it. I moved past and ignored all the hurtful insensitive disrespectful shit you did, you do, and act like I'm okay. When I'm everything, but okay and you don't even fuckin notice. I have been crying and down ever since we found out that girl is pregnant. You don't even notice it, which blows me because you use to never miss a fuckin beat. Instead you come here showing me shit you bought for 'your' baby is like you're just throwing it into my face."

"Tara-"

"We always go two steps forward to go two steps back. I'm done." She repeats. "Our main focus can be on our son. We might not be good at this relationship shit, but we are good at co-parenting. Let's leave it at that."

"Tara-"

"I found a two bedroom townhouse I'm gonna rent for awhile, just for me and sonny." She said playing with my chain. "This house is too big for us. I only got it because I wanted the whole family thing. Looks like that isn't happening anymore. So you can take all of your stuff from here and move back to your house, the house you don't even use."

"Tara, don't do this. I love you." I said placing my hand snugly around her waist.

She wiped a tear that fell from my eye while her own began to fall. "I love you more, but..." She shook her head giving me her final answer.

*

"So how are we going to tell Zain?" I ask Tara once she was finished moving in her new place.

I agreed to help her even though she constantly told me not to. I need this time with her even tho it was full of nothing, but silence.

"Well you are the cause of all of this, but I guess we can tell him together." She said shrugging. "My mom is bringing him now."

"Ard." I said sighing rubbing my hand over my head.

"Come here." I said to her.

She glances over at me then rolling her eyes then continued putting stuff away in the kitchen.

"Man, come here." I said pulling her to me as she tried to walk past me.

"No Dez move-" She says pushing on my chest until my lips met hers. "What are you doing?" She asks between kisses.

"Just trying to get the last feel of my woman."

"I'm not yours anymore." She says putting her head down backing up out of my hold.

"Yeah." I mumble quietly.

"Mommy!" Zain's voice called through the front door. "Who's house is this?"

"Hey daddy!" He said running to me. I picked him up throwing him in the air as always.

"What's up lil dude?" I ask trying to smile along with him knowing it wasn't gonna last.

"Who's house?" He asks again.

"Um, this is our new house." Tara says.

"Why? It's for all of us?" He asks.

"Just you and your mommy." I answer him this time causing all of his attention to come to me.

"Why?" He asks sadly.

"Well mommy and me- We um, we-" I sighed honestly not knowing how to say this to him knowing that it is gonna hurt him.

"You not together again." He says pushing my chest wiggling from my arms to get down. "I hate you! You make her cry all the time."

"Zain Jeremiah!" Tara calls after him once he goes running off crying.

"No, let him go. He's right." I said before leaving their house

*

Tara

"You like your new room?" I ask Zain as I was helping him get ready for bed.

He shrugs not saying anything. He's been like this all day and I'm not liking it.

"Look come here," I said placing him on my lap. "We have to have a little talk, okay?"

He nods yawning as he laid his head against my shoulder.

"You can't talk to your dad like that, you can't tell him you hate him. You don't tell anybody that when you don't mean it. That's a very strong word to use babe."

"I don't hate him. I just don't like you sad."

"I know that baby, but mommy is okay. I promise. You can't talk to your dad like that. You hurt his feelings making him the sad one now, do you want him sad?"

"No."

"Well you can't say those things to him or anybody you love so I say you should apologize, yeah?" He nodded. "I love you and so does daddy. Regardless if mommy and daddy are together or not that doesn't change our love for you."

"Okay." He said yawning again.

I sighed kissing his forehead.

*

Within the next week I got everything in our new place situated and majority of everything else in the other house moved to storage. Zain is with Dez right now so I am focusing on cake orders that I need to have ready for people within the next couple of days.

Right now I am meeting with the little girls uncle to give him her cake that I made and decorated.

"Oh that's dope. She's gonna love it." He said as I showed him the cake. "Thanks."

"No, thank you." I said taking the money while handing him a business card.

"So still with your son's dad?" He asks as I close the cake back securing it.

"You're funny."

"I'm serious."

"And I'm not looking for anybody right now."

"Oh so you are single? So that means I have a chance."

"Not at all. I'm good." I said honestly.

It wasn't that he was ugly or anything, because he wasn't. I'm just really not about to go there with anybody again especially this soon.

"Damn ard, thanks again." He said.

I did the forcing myself to move on before and I'm not about to do it again. Don't wanna date again anytime soon. I'ma need time after the shit I just got out of.

*********

I've been so lazy with writing when I have a lot of ideas for this book. I'ma try to update this again tomorrow.