Fighter

Ch. 54

My hand is shaking as I hit answer and hold it to my ear, too afraid to say anything.

"Hadley?" I hear Tyler ask.

Finding my voice finally I say, "Hey." I know I sound breathless but I can't help it.

"Hey." He says back sounding just as affected as I am.

I clear my throat. "I'm so happy you called. I'm so sorry." I apologize choking up.

"Don't do that, babe, you told me you were staying with him if you were pregnant. I was stupid enough to hope you wouldn't. I should have done the smart thing and kept it all from you like I was supposed to."

I feel my eyes water. I didn't think he'd regret telling me he loved me and it hurts to think that he does. Oh well, I deserve it. I'd regret even knowing me if I were him. "I'm still sorry." I say desperately, knowing he's going to say he doesn't want to be around me anymore.

"Don't cry, babe, please don't cry. Not over this. I don't ever want you to cry over anything involving me ever." He replies adamantly.

"I'm trying to stop." I say hiccupping.

He chuckles and I join him, it's good to hear him happy. I miss him all ready.

"Only you could make crying funny." He states as I hiccup again. Which causes us to laugh again.

"I miss you all ready." I say honestly. Only he can make me laugh when I'm crying or make me happy when I'm sad. I need him in my life, I know it's selfish, but I do.

"I miss you, too, babe." He says quietly and I hear a but in his statement.

I suck in a breath. "Just say it." I say quickly.

"I just don't know how I can do it....how I can see you happy with him. I can't help but want you. I'll die a little more each time I see you with him. I'm sorry, I can't-..." I hear him and I hold back the sobs as they wreak havoc on my body, demanding release. I feel Maddox put his arms around me, trying to comfort me.

I knew it was too much to ask of him. I don't want to see the disappointment and heartbreak in his eyes or on his face everyday either. I have no choice in the matter, it's what's best for Tyler and what he wants, not what I want.

"Hadley?" I hear him ask.

"I know, I understand.....Just hurts." I say my voice raspy from my throat tightening with emotion. I need to hang up, I need to go be alone with my grief.

"I'm so sorry." He says sadly.

"Me too.” I say hanging up, as I do, I let out the sobs that have been itching to be let out. My knees give out and before I fall, Maddox picks me up, carrying me to bed.

I knew this was going to happen. I knew he would leave me. I knew Maddox was wrong. Tyler would never want to come between mine and Maddox’s relationship. He would respect my decision and deal with it. But this is how he's dealing with it and I have to respect his wishes too. I can't have everything my way and maybe this is for the best. Why does it feel like a huge mistake? Why did it feel like my heart is being torn in two?

Maddox lays me down gently on the bed and rubs my head. I can do this, I need to do this. I've made my bed and now I have to lay in it. I stop crying after a couple of minutes.

"You were wrong, he doesn't want to be friends anymore." I say brokenly.

"Then it's his loss. You’re an amazing person to have in anyone's life, in any capacity."

"Thank you." I say feeling flattered by his genuine statement. I don't know why he thinks so highly of me. Does he see that Tyler was my fault?

"Dry your eyes, I think dinner’s ready. It smells so good." He says and I smile.