Fighter

Ch. 68

I walk into the condo and Maddox is sitting at the island stools watching the elevator. I walk up to the counter and drop the keys to his car. He doesn't say anything and I walk past him. I go to his bedroom and into the closet. I grab a shirt and a pair of shorts to sleep in. I almost collide into him coming out. When he sees what's in my hand he relaxes. I walk around him and out of the room to one of the guest rooms.

I walk in and shut the door behind me. I'm starting to get over my anger. Now, I'm feeling every ounce of pain. It hurts to think of him not caring if he lost me. He loves me, I know he does. Why would he do this? I want him to talk to me. Why can't he tell me what makes him feel like fighting is the answer?

I start taking my dress off and as it slips off I hear the door open. Maddox is standing there with a glass of water and my prenatal vitamin. He drops both and reaches for me crushing me to him. He slams his lips on mine and kisses me roughly, I feel his arousal and coming to my senses, I push him away. He doesn't take the hint and after I break the kiss he pulls me back to him kissing my neck and groaning.

"Stop." I demand breathlessly.

He stops and rests his forehead against mine. "I'm sorry. I got jealous that you left to go to Alex. So, I went to the fight to hurt you back. I don't know why I can't handle you around him but I can't. I'd trust Tyler before I do him. I've seen how he looks at you. I know what he feels for you is real and I don't want you near him. Please, forgive me."

"No."

His arms tighten around me. "I know I don't deserve to be forgiven. But there are things I would like to talk to you about. You know I get mad and turn to fighting. Instead of fighting these fights there's a gym. It trains fighters in all areas of mixed martial arts. I was thinking that I could join that. That I could do the sparring and training to help me when I need a release. Or does that count as fighting?" He asks.

"You wanted to hurt me for going to Alex? Because you were jealous." I state undeniably pissed. I step out of his hold.

"I can't see past my rage. I need help. I'm trying but every time we get to a good place we end up right back where we started. I get mad at you or you get mad at me. I don't know how to fix me. I don't know if I'll ever be what you deserve but I'm trying. I'm an idiot. I can't even tell you how awful I felt after that fight knowing that I broke a promise I made to you. I have been too apprehensive about asking you about the gym. I didn't want you to get upset that I even asked. I didn't know how to bring it up. God, I'm such a fuck up." He says running his hands down his face.

"Why would you think I'd care about you going to a gym?"

"Because it's training to fight. It's the same as fighting. I know I shouldn't even ask. You were right, I missed it, I miss fighting. I got mad and went back to the only thing I know that makes me feel better."

"Maddox, I don't want you street fighting because it's illegal and it's not safe. Think about what you could contact from someone's blood. What at is it about me exactly that makes you feel you can't talk to me?" I ask exasperated.

"I don't know, mainly I just don't want to make you upset or disappoint you. Every emotion you ever have is written on your face. I've seen it all. But when you're disappointed in me, I feel inadequate and so low that I avoid any confrontation with you. I know what needs to happen. I know I need to communicate, but I'm just not used to feeling intimidated. Jesus, Hadley, if you can bring me down with one look, imagine how weak you make me feel."

"I think I understand. You need to feel like a man. You feel that I emasculate you."

He nods and his cheeks get a little red. Maddox is blushing, someone thinks he's going soft. I try not to smile. I don't want him to think I'm making fun of him or forgiving him. How do I deal with a man with a little boy complex?

I walk to him and hug him. "You need to tell me these things. The only time you disappoint me is when you keep things from me. I can't help you if I don't know what the problem is."

"I know. I'm setting myself up for failure." He admits. We hold each other for few minutes before Maddox breaks the silence. "Another thing I'd like to talk about is Alex and Tyler. I know I don't have the right to choose your friends but I'd like to be with you if you need to go to them for any reason."

"Okay, that's reasonable." I say smiling. Okay, that might have been my fault. I should have asked him to come or gave him the option. But they hate each other, I didn't even think about it.

"Why is it so hard for us?" He asks his eyes sad.

"I don't know. When we talk it’s not so bad. But we go days without really talking about anything, Maddox. When something is wrong we need to be upfront. I can't read your mind and you can't read mine."

"Tell me we're okay." He says looking at me intently.

"We will be. We just need a lot of work. Both of us are new to this and its going to take a lot of effort."

"You never took your ring off." He says.

"No, I never took my ring off. I love you."

He kisses me and carries me back to our room.

##Short and sweet## okay no more fighting between Hadley and Maddox. It was the last time I swear. I just really wanted Alex and Tyler to be updated in the book. <3