Fighter

Ch. 57 Maddox's POV

Maddox's pov:

How the hell am I supposed to survive until next Friday without knowing if our baby will live or die? I'm all ready freaking out. I don't even want Hadley to walk anywhere. I have it in my head that the baby could get hurt. I can’t help it. I can’t sleep but I don't really mind, I like to watch her sleep. I take out the ring I picked up today before I went into work. I paid double to have it completed so fast, I needed to have it with me because I may need it. It will look great on her hand. When Hadley said her name to the receptionist today, I wanted more than anything to hear her say Kahn instead of Davis.

I feel Hadley roll onto her stomach. Another reason I can't sleep, I am afraid if she sleeps on her stomach it will also hurt the baby, so I gently roll her over. I know it’s not logical and that it won't really hurt the baby, but what if it did?

I was glad that our therapy session went so well, I felt like I had the weight of the world taken off of my shoulders. I want her to understand me and I think someone helping me explain who I am will help, so far I'm right. I really don't mean to be so dominating in our relationship but I have never cared about anyone the way I do about her. After losing my parents, I never wanted to get close to anyone. But it only took one look at Hadley for me to know I was wrong. I want more out of life, I want everything.

I need to bring it back a little though. I know I can get this right. That I can be everything she wants me to be and I will. All I want to do is to make her as happy as she makes me. Seeing the baby was exciting, I only hope we get to hear the heartbeat. I know it's a sound I'll never forget for as long as I live. I will cherish every second I have with Hadley and our child. I will never take them for granted. I know how it can all be taken away and although I'm terrified that I will cause Hadley to eventually leave me, I will fight to be better. I will do everything I need to do to keep us from failing.

I wish she wanted to stay at home with our kids but if she wants to have her career then I will support her every step of the way. Maybe I can have a daycare put into my office so that I can be there for our kids...Kid. Come on, Maddox, let’s get through this one first. Yeah, that's what I'll do, put in a play area and hire a nanny to watch them when I can't. That would be perfect. Hopefully, Hadley will think so, too.

Now, how am I going to keep her off her feet until next Friday? She all ready hates that I started pushing water at her at different times after we got home from the doctor’s office. Maybe I can keep her busy in bed. That's it, I'll make love to her for long intervals...then she'll sleep and when she wakes up, I'll do it all over again. Perfect plan but then again, what if I do it too hard and she loses the baby? What if I'm too big and it hits the baby...why didn't I think to ask if we could have sex or not? Shit! I'll call first thing tomorrow.

I have one semester left until I get my degrees, but my course load will let me be at the office part time. I plan on taking all week off to be with Hadley in case she needs something. Plus, I don't think I could handle not being near her. If something happened and I wasn't here with her I'd blame myself. I don't want her to go through any part of this alone. If we lose this child then I will be here to hold her hand and tell her I love her every second.

Please, God, don’t take this from me, I don't think I'll live through it. I feel that I have been waiting for this and I can’t go back, I need this.