I Must Be Dreaming ( Frerard )

But I'm Back Now? (Franks Pov)

I couldn't say anything. It was like my mouth had been sewed up or super glued together. It felt like my voice box had been ripped out of my throat. All I could do was smile. I looked at the boy I loved, the boy I hadn't seen for 2 whole months and I just smiled. It was a apologetic smile but that's still a smile. A smile wouldn't fix it all.

I had my reasons for leaving. Could I tell Gerard? No. Why not? Because... Because what? I didn't have an answer. I couldn't just magic up an answer.

So I'll wind back 2 months. Gerard and I were driving home from our romantic weekend. My mum had called me, telling me to hurry home. I got home and thats when I let it happen. I didn't have time to tell Gerard. I couldn't tell him, not even before we left. I wasn't allowed my phone. I wasn't allowed to stop by his house and explain where I would be. I didn't realise I would of even been that long. A week at the most my mum told me. Well 2 fucking months is hardly a week. It's basically half a year. Stop over exaggerating Frank, you'll only make yourself feel guilty. I practically abandoned him. I'm such a fuck up of a boyfriend.

I may be a fuck up but I'm back now. I won't leave him again... Well I wouldn't leave him again without telling him or I would make sure this time I can have my phone so I could call or text him.

At this moment in time I've just stood there with a smile on my face. Gerard standing in the open doorway. Mixed rushed emotions and feelings going through his head and being shown clearly on his face.

"I" ooo look I managed to speak. Well done Frankie because of course just an "I" with no explanation will make Gerard forgive you. Oh yes because he'll be fucking you through the mattress soon enough.
"I can explain" I choked out, why had speaking become so difficult?
"EXPLAIN? DAM RIGHT FRANK! YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF EXPLAINING TO DO! YOU LEAVE ME FOR 2 MONTHS WITHOUT A CALL OR TEXT EXPLAINING TO WHERE THE FUCK YOU WERE AND NOW YOU COME BACK AND JUST STAND THERE AND SMILE LIKE IT WILL SOLVE EVERYTHING" Gerard had started to shout. For fuck sake I knew my smile wouldn't fix things,why do you have to remind me?

"GEE IM SORRY OAKY! I DIDNT HAVE MY PHONE." I had started to sob. "MY PARENTS WOULDN'T LET ME STOP BY YOURS BEFORE WE LEFT AND I- I WANTED TO COME ROUND EARLIER BUT YOU WOULD OF BEEN AT SCHOOL" by now I was full on choking up tears but Gee didn't run over to me and hug me. He didn't even move. He just watched as I fell to the floor and sobbed. I get that he was pissed at me but you're boyfriend is sobbing on the floor and all you do is stand back and watch? Some great comforter he was... Not! Ooooo sorry not sorry.

I picked myself up from the floor, head hung low and I slowly walked up to my room. Hesitantly Gerard soon follows after shutting the front door.
I was curled up under the cover when I felt him sit beside me. He started to play with my hair. "I'm sorry" came from his mouth as he curled up next to me leaving us in the spooning position. I cried a little more but I soon fell asleep. I had missed this. Him holding me while I slept.

The first week we left  I didn't sleep at all. I couldn't. I felt so bad for leaving Gee alone. I had nightmares. I had nightmares far worst then any I had before but the one I had the night before we came back was the worst of every single nightmare I had ever had. Gerard had killed himself. He took a bullet through his head. Not the cleanest nor least painful way but you know why he had done it? Me. I was the reason. I had left him. He got broken hearted, found his dad's gun and shot himself. Luckily it was only a nightmare otherwise Gerard wouldn't be asleep beside me now but what if I had been too late? That's the only reason we came back actUally. I needed to see if Gerard Way was still alive and that he hadn't pulled the trigger. He hadn't and I won't ever let him.

A/N: HEY SO I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS! IM SUPER SORRY TO HEAR AVOUT FRANKS GRANDAD I WISH HIM AND HIS FAMILY TO STAY STRONG!!

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