|Doppelgänger| Five Hargreeves

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟓𝟕

I was sitting in Five's bed, in the boys's room, while he sat in front of me, wrapping band-aids around my fingers. He had already cleaned them and applied some sort of pomade to help with the healing. The cuts weren't that bad, although they had started to sting at some point, so I didn't know why he was being so attentive about it.

_"...I told you it was fine. You didn't need to do all this."-I muttered, watching as he held my hand with care.

_"But I wanted to. And I needed some time alone."

_"You're not alone. I'm here."-I stated the obvious, and the boy looked up at me, with an expression that read to me like "Are you kidding?"

_"Alone with you."-He worded it better, and I then understood. I still didn't know why, though.

_"Why is that?"

_"I wanted to know how you're holding up to all of this."-He finished wrapping the band-aid, but kept holding my hand.

_"I'm fine."-I said, but he made that same expression, and raised my hand for me to see.

_"If you were fine, I wouldn't be needing to do this. If you don't wanna talk about it, I get it. Just don't lie."-He let out a sigh, getting up from the bed and putting away the rest of the band-aids.

_"...It's not that I don't wanna talk about it. I just don't know what I'm feeling, completely."-I let myself fall into the bed, my legs hanging out of it. I stared blankly at the ceiling, feeling a weird numbness in my stomach.

_"Would you like to try and put it into words, at least?"-I heard his voice, but didn't know what he was doing or if he was looking at me.

_"Hm. I don't know. We've dealt with 'the end' quite a lot already, but this time it seems so...Morbid. The solution seems so out of reach. I don't know if it's the situation that changed completely, or if it was the way I see it."

_"What do you mean?"

_"...I'm scared I'm losing hope."-After I said that, there was silence for a few seconds.

_"Losing hope, as in...?"

_"Sometimes I feel like dying would be so much easier. I don't want my family to die, never, but if it's about me..."-Again, silence. But I was surprised by the feeling of the bed tilting by my side. I sideways glanced at the boy, finding him staring back at me.

_"Can I ask for you to never say that again?"-He had a neutral expression, but his eyebrow twitched very slightly, enough for me to be able to tell he wasn't okay with what I said.

_"I mean, yes, I-"

_"Let me rephrase. Can I ask for you to never feel that again?"-His voice cracked a bit. I didn't know what exactly to answer.

_"That's...a hard question."

_"I know. I know you can't just do that, but I can't help but ask for you to do it anyway."

I turned my body to him completely, laying on my shoulder. I admired his face, his green eyes, for a few seconds. I felt so light at that moment. The numbness was gone for a bit.

_"I need you."-He whispered. Although the words could be misinterpreted, they didn't come out in a lustful way. They sounded like a call for help, a confession, like I was just as necessary as the air he breathes, the water he drinks.

I reached my hand to touch his cheek, where the two little beauty marks he had were. He closed his eyes, leaning into my hand, letting himself relax to my touch. I wish we could just stay there, let the world consume itself, take us into oblivion and let that vision be my last memory. But we couldn't.