Restart [BOOK ONE-COMPLETED]

Chapter Twenty Three// Left Behind in Mourning

//AERON//

"You sure you want to do this?" Alex asks me for literally the fifth time.

"Yes."

I pat my dress down.

It's a black skater dress but I added the red and blue flannel because those are Brett's favorite colors. And funerals are sad, maybe a splash of color could cheer the mood, I hate seeing others in mourning.

I tried to make myself look presentable, considering I'm eulogizing him. His parents asked if I could.

At first I couldn't even say his name without falling in tears agin but I finally have come to suck it up.

Brett wouldn't have wanted a sad funeral, I mean I never wanted him to have a funeral but it was bound to happen. Perhaps way to early.

This has caused me to not go to school for the next three days, it was only what was left of the week. Alex told me to call Julianne but I have yet to call her, he texted her telling her why. I'm just in too much pain to dance right now. I don't even know if can again.

I'm so affected by him, this boy that caught my heart, I fell in love with him.

And now he's gone.

Why'd you leave Brett?

///

We sit in front of Brett's coffin.

Dear lord did I never want to see this day.

I wipe my tears and smile at his parents. A reassuring smile that hopefully things will be okay.

But in all honestly I don't think I'll be okay. Maybe one day, but not in a long time. This is something that's going to take a while to recover from.

Isn't that something? First boyfriend I had, I fell in love with him. He stole my first kiss. He made my smile real for once, he have me a nick name that drove me crazy, but he also died.

A tear draws down my cheek.

Something I wish I would never have to say. But hey, not everyone has a happy ending.

The priest speaks," let's pray for Brett now."

Everyone bows their heads and I close my eyes.

He starts to speak but I zone out.

I just can't imagine my life without Brett. For these past three days I've been in mourning, I still am but I have somewhat pulled myself together for this day.

But now everything looks way more realistic.

The dark brown wooden coffin with a bunch of colorful flowers on top. The green blanket, that almost looks like grass under it, and beneath that a hole in which Brett will be buried into.

A tear runs down my cheek again.

The priest calls my name.

My head pops up to him. I guess I got lost in my thoughts.

I come up to him and he gives me a soft smile.

I open up my paper that I wrote for him. I blink up a couple of times to try and keep the tears from falling.

"Brett was an inspiration to everyone. He taught me how to love not only him, but myself. One thing I love about Brett is how he always manages to crack a smile out of you. No matter what you're going through. Brett's there," I smile. I keep going but I honestly just want to break down and cry. I'm talking about a person who I love but isn't here anymore. "These are Brett's favorite colors. And I know for a fact that he wouldn't have wanted his funeral to seem dead. He would want some color and happiness that he did at least get his fifteen years. But God do I wish it was way more."

Tears stream down my face.

"But one thing you should always remember about Brett, is that he was worth it. He pushes, well pushed through to help. Brett only wanted to make the world a greater place. Well he did, at least in a friendship with Alex, bonding with family, and having a place in my heart, in all of ours."

I look down and smile at his coffin.

"To Brett," I raise my hand.

I place a rose and my paper on top of the coffin.

I look up again and see Julianne standing behind everyone whose sitting down.

She's wearing black leggings an d a lack blazer with a white t shirt.

She gives me a soft smile.

I look down and rub my eyes.

I take a deep breath and walk away from the coffin.

I meet Julianne behind everyone.

She immediately gives me a big hug.

"I'm so, so sorry," she says.

I pull myself together and sniffle. I feel bad for Julianne seeing me such a mess, and for not calling her.

"It's okay. But I'm sorry I didn't call or anything. It just-" I stop myself from saying the reason of why I'm here today.

"I understand. And please don't worry. Today, go ahead and go home. Cry, it's healthy too. Aeron you didn't deserve this, and I'm sorry this happened to you. But I do hope to see you on Tuesday," she gives me a big hug. "I have to go, and I'm sorry."

She turns around and walks away.

I turn around and stare at his coffin. People are throwing flowers as it lowers into the ground.

Brett, I don't know if I can dance again.

///

I lay in my bed, crying my eyes out. They are swollen and crusty, I've been going for the last three hours.

It's one am.

I'm shaking.

"Why d-did y-y-you have t-to leave m-m-me?" I stutter.

My door creeks open and Alex is standing there.

"Aeron, please stop crying. I know this is really hard, believe me I'm going through this too. But you need to sleep," he says.

I cry more and hug my body pillow.

"He's gone, and he's not coming back," I cry.

He steps into my room and closes the door.

He slowly walks over to my bed and gets in. His arms wraps around my waist as I can feel him right behind me, our skin touching.

"Aeron," he whispers. "Shhhh. It's going to be okay. Sleep."

I try to stop myself from crying and it's going away slowly.

I hate this feeling.

"There you go, now just breathe," Alex mutters.

I take deep breaths, five seconds in, five seconds hold, and five seconds out.

After about three times I feel a bit better.

Not better like lets go party, better enough to breathe clearly.

That's a start from sobbing like I'm going to die.

///

It's three am and Alex fell asleep next to me.

He's snoring softly and drool is coming out of his mouth, onto my white, cotton soft pillow.

His arm is still around me giving me warmth.

I've just been laying here thinking about some things.

Mostly Brett.

I love Brett. I really do. I don't understand why this had to happen to him.

I mean I get that he's gone because of the car accident but why did it have to happen to him?

Why'd you have to leave, Brett?