Held Tight by Someone I Know

Chapter 4: Sorry tears and regret sensations

It was around twelve-thirty in the afternoon, as Billie and I had beforehand migrated to my bed; cuddling each other. I couldn't tell you how many times I regretted making him so upset. But, in other ways, It felt good to punch those guys. Amazing, almost. I reflected on my actions, wondering if that was the right decision.

'Should I have really punched those guys?'

'Of course, you should've! In fact, you should've drilled them six fucking feet underground! No one slaps me and insults my family and gets away with it!'

'Yeah, but I made Dad upset. It really hurt me to yell at him like that. He didn't know what had happened anyway, maybe we should've just let him finish what he was going to say before blowing our top.'

'Oh, don't be such a pansy, son of a bitch. He needed to hear it. He wouldn't shut up!'
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to make my thoughts go away. The argument I was having with myself really was fucking with my head more than it should've.

'Shut Up, Both of you!'
I yelled at my consciousness. The inner voices ceased and I was able to think again.
I didn't know what to do at this point, but I felt like I needed to apologise. For what? I don't know. Just. Everything, I suppose? So that's what I did...

"Daddy?" I said, my voice catching in my throat.

"Yeah, babe?"
I sat up out of his arms and turned my body to face him before proceeding.

"Daddy, I'm sorry."

"Wha-" I held my hand up to stop him before I could finish.

"I'm sorry for parading onto your life and ruining this family bond you had..." This really got his attention. He sat up and looked at me confusingly, "I'm sorry I fucked things up for everybody, I'm sorry I'm not the perfect daughter."

"Neo-"

"I'm sorry I caused all this trouble on you and our family, I'm sorry that I snuck out all those months ago, I'm sorry I had hurt myself and in return, hurting you."

"Neo, baby stop."
At this point tears were running down my face.

"I-I'm sorry I inherited all these disorders and blowing up your medical bills, I'm sorry I'm too much trouble for you."

"Neo, baby please just stop."
At this point I was standing up and throwing my arms around, crying.

"I'm sorry I punched those guys and got you called in when you probably already had enough shit on your plate, I'm sorry I'm a fuck up of a kid. Fuck! I'm sorry I exist, Daddy!" I yelled in hysterics.

"NEO!" He yelled at me, most likely to shut me up. He got up from my bed and ran over only to embrace me in the tightest hug he's ever given me. I placed my forehead and hands on his chest as I cried, leaving one hand open and flat on his chest and the other balled up with a wad of his tshirt, gripping it tightly.
He shushed me as he stroked my hair and kissed my head.

"Don't you ever ever tell me that you are a fuck up, alright?" He whispered. "You are so much more to me than that. I love you so much and it hurts to know you feel this way."

"See, I do hurt you." I said as I tilted my head up to look him in the eye with mascara running down my face, "Do you realise how much it hurts me when you're hurt? More than you can ever imagine. I love you so much and I can't control my actions and that's why I hate myself! I hate me! I hate it, I hate it, I fucking hate it!" I screamed as I pounded on his chest with rage within me.

"Neo, Neo, stop! Listen to me!" He said grabbing my wrists so I couldn't pound on him anymore, "I love you too, okay? Please believe that. You don't hurt me, I mean for fucks sake do you hear yourself? You are so much better than this. You are an Armstrong. And once an Armstrong, always an Armstrong. Okay?" He held onto my wrists still as I struggled. He wrenched my closer an drought his lips to my ear. "Okay, peach?" I stopped struggling and looked into his eyes.

"O-okay." I say as I look him in the eye. He gives a relieved expression and kisses me on the nose as he lets go of my wrists. I shove my arms around his waist, connecting my fingers on his back and laid my head on his chest. He buried his face in my hair and kissed my head over and over again; reassuring me. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders as he stroked his thumb behind my ear, giving me a comforting feeling.

"I love you so so much, you know it? Say?"

"I know, Dad. I love you too. So damn much it hurts."
He let's out a little moan sound to let me know that he understands and rests his cheek on my head.

"Hey Dad?"

"Yeah, Peach?"

"Am I still grounded?"

"Ohhhh yes." He chuckles.

"Dad?"

"Yes?"

"Can we go and get something for lunch?"

"Sure." He says with a smile in his voice. We let go of each tore and he looks at me.

"Where to?"

"I'm thinking Five Guys." I wink at him.

"Perfect." He says as we head out of my bedroom.

"One more thing."

"What's that?"

"Are you going to tell Adrienne?"

"Will have to. But, don't worry about that now. Let's go get something to eat."

"Sounds good." I said smiling as we headed back out of the house.

I really meant what I said before. I was truly sorry for putting so much pressure and trouble on this once wholesome family. If only Billie knew really how much of the guilt I felt.
But, I do love him. So goddamn much...

[A/N: okay, this is kinda short. It's more of a filler? I guess? Anyway!! Enjoy and share!]