Held Tight by Someone I Know

Chapter 30: Sometimes to stay alive, you have to kill your mind.

Dedicated to @No_Thnks_Pete

"Neomi Armstrong?"

That's me. I'm next.

They'll tear you apart, baby.

Fuck off.

It was my turn to be next. It was my turn to walk into Dr. Reed's office and get the jiffy run down of my decrepit cranium of a delirious, mental masquerade ball. Twitch is Romeo and I am Juliet.

For never was a story of more woe, than this of Juliet and her Romeo.

I am not a victim.

You are targeted.

I am strong.

You are weak.

Cram your diluted, self-righteous tendencies up your psychotic ass, you fucking douche-schnoz.

Feisty.

"C'mon, baby girl. Let's go in." Dad reached for my hand as I was snapped back into reality. I smiled sheepishly and took his welcomed hand before getting up out of my seat and greeting Dr. Reeds at his office door.

The psychologist smiled warmly as we walked in and sat down. Dr. Reeds shut the door and sat himself down in front of us.

"So, the fabulous Armstrong duo; We meet again,"

Dad stepped in before I could.

"Well, Neo and I were talking about it and thought it would be a wise idea to come back in for a further evaluation,"

"Of course! Now, before I start," he stopped before looking at me concernedly. "Are you alright to continue? We didn't even get through the whole session last time, Neomi."

"Please. Call me Neo. And, I'm alright to continue today. I was just out of my head that day,"

"Well! That's certainly something we can work on,"

"Indeed, sir,"

"So! Let's get started, shall we?"...

•••••••••••••••

That night, I lie awake in my own self-pity as I submitted to my own existential crisis.
I'm not me anymore. I've just about given up, to be quite frank.

Things aren't as good as they seem anymore. Although I still know who I am, what I do, what the difference is between right and wrong; I can't help but feel enclosed and uneducated. I feel lost and alone, yet hunted and detected.

You never really realise who you actually are until you're insane. To Dr. Reeds, I was.
Although, he rephrased it as 'Mentally impaired' we all know what he was really saying.

I was entirely bonkers.

Daddy comes in to my room to check up on me every now and again to see how I am. I always give him the same bullshit answer of, 'I'm fine.', and he always gives me the same bullshit look of, 'Yeah, right. Now, tell me how you really are.'

I'm just tired. I'm over it and in so fed up. I want to be sane again! I want to be fucking normal.

"Baby?" I whip my head towards the left and notice Jimmy is standing in the doorway.

"Hey, you." I smile and try to speak as nonchalantly as I can possibly muster.

"Mind if I join you, princess?"

"Not at all, Prince." I laughed. He smiled as warmly as he could before pacing over the the bed and sitting down next to me.

"So, how're you feeling?" He asked as he tested the back of his hand on my cheek.

"Better now that you're here."

"Cheesy."

"Ha-Ha, cheesy is cute."

"You're cute."

"Oh, and I'm cheesy."

"You are." He chuckled before leaning down and placing a passionate kiss on my lips.

"Get some sleep. I'll be back up in a minute. I'll just make myself some coffee."

"Alright, love." I smiled. He smiled back as he got up and left the room before switching the lights off and leaving my door ajar.

I'm so fucking tired. I don't need anything but sleep and peace.....I want change. I want to stand tall and proud. Not slumped and miserable. I always think about Jimmy and how worried he probably is. I feel terrible.
I'm just nothing now. Air. I want to be beautiful. I want to be something.

When you walk, you look like you're trying to disappear.
Your back is gonna be fucked up.
Why do you think change is so hard? Is it because you're afraid?
People might think you're pretty, but they'll never love you.
You talk like you're apologizing for your own voice.
Speak up.
Grow up.
Find your spine, stop shrinking.
There is nothing brave about keeping silent.
How many times have you been in love? I can't picture it ever happening for you.
You lie because it makes you feel free. this is a prison.
You're always gonna think about him. You will never get him out of your system.
I wish I never had to see you again.
You poor thing.
Go to hell.
You may be a nice person but you will never be a good person.
No one is ever going to want to touch you.
Is there a vision in your head of who you want to be?
You do not have the strength to become her.
There is no boat big enough to keep you from drowning in the sea of yourself.
Go to bed, baby.
You are tired from all of this nothing.
Sleep.
Rest.

Okay.

[A/N: Short! I know! I just started ninth grade so I've been busy with homework and circus training and music tutoring and ugh!  Any who! Hope you like! Leave a vote and comment!]