I don't care

Part 19

Stevie somehow fell into a troubled sleep, simply because she was so exhausted and squinted disgustedly at the sunlight streaming through the window the next morning when she awoke. She gazed down at Leelee still snuggled up against her, her hand clutching at Stevie's chest. Stevie stroked her hair very gently.

A thousand questions ran through her mind once again. Leelee. A baby. Oh god. How was she even going to approach this? How did you ask someone...? What exactly? What would she even ask? Was she pregnant? Did she have an abortion? Did she have an actual baby and give it up for adoption? Did she lose a baby? Stevie had no idea. All she knew was something very distressing had happened to Leelee concerning a baby. Her baby.

"Stevie," Leelee sighed as she stirred. She was already feeling so much better. She felt like the worst of the detox was behind her. She knew she had a long way to go but she felt something she hadn't for a very long time. Hopeful.

"Good morning." Leelee whispered opening her eyes and smiling up at Stevie who looked at her as if she'd seen a ghost.

"Stephanie," Leelee whispered slowly, making Stevie gasp. She remembered how her father used to call Stevie that when she looked sad and Stevie looked sadder than Leelee had ever seen her in that moment.
"What's the matter? Your scaring me," Leelee cupped Stevie's cheek and stroked the smooth skin gently with her thumb.

Stevie closed her eyes and willed herself not to cry, she needed to stay in control right now.
"I don't want to scare you baby." Stevie whispered, choking up.

"Stevie what is it?" Leelee wriggled up higher in the bed and took Stevie into her arms.

"I- I..." Stevie stuttered breathily and then just stopped speaking. She couldn't do it.

"It's okay. You don't have to tell me," Leelee whispered soothingly and kissed her cheek softly, feeling Stevie move closer to her, tasting her sweet skin as she plastered her face in kisses, comforting Stevie like she had been doing for her, during Leelee's whole hospital stay. She would've bolted the minute she woke up if Stevie hadn't been there. She hated hospitals so much.

"Lee," Stevie whimpered and she held onto her for dear life.

"Lee I... I have to ask you something... but i don't know how." Stevie spoke in bursts and Leelee looked at encouragingly.

"You can ask me anything Stevie,"

"I... I heard you... crying in your sleep... about... about a baby... did you have a baby?" Stevie asked having to stop between words as her voice broke and she couldn't control her sobs even though tears didn't flow.

"I-" Leelee stammered and she looked into Stevie's eyes in such despair before her own glazed over.
"I had an abortion." Leelee answered her voice even.

"Oh my sweet girl i'm so sorry," Stevie moved to kiss her but she turned away.

"Why?" Leelee asked.

"What..." Stevie whispered her eyebrows lowering in confusion.

"Why are you sorry? What kind of mother would i have made?" Leelee laughed almost bitterly at her own question.

"I'm sorry for you. That you had to go through that... You sounded so upset..." Stevie was crying as Leelee was moving away from her in the tiny bed.

"Well i deserve it. I let Jack force me into killing my baby. He's right, my Father's right, i'm nothing but a selfish little whore." Leelee said emotionlessly.

Stevie grabbed her violently and held her face in her hands.
"Don't you ever call yourself that!" Stevie yelled at her and Leelee was stunned by her outburst.

"You don't deserve any of this baby. Oh my sweet girl, what have they done to you." Stevie gasped in anguish as she held Leelee's face and looked at her with all the love she had.

"I killed my baby." Leelee whispered and Stevie could see she was close to breaking down. Stevie took her hand and brought it to her heart.

"I'm so sorry angel, I, I know how much it hurts." Stevie whispered and Leelee looked into her eyes.

"You do?" Leelee asked and she nodded.

"I do. But i was a grown up and it was my decision, i can't even imagine how hard it would've been at 15." Stevie told her, kissing her hand, coaxing her in from the edge of the bed.

"I wanted it. Jack dragged me to a clinic, gave me some really strong coke, talked me into it. The high didn't last long enough though... I was... I was aware again half way through and I remember everything. That's why i hate hospitals... just being in this bed brings it back." Leelee moved into Stevie's arms again and Stevie hugged her tightly.

"I'm so sorry sweet girl. I'm so sorry." Stevie kissed her as she repeated her words again and again.
"I'll get you out of here. You can finish detoxing at my house angel. What's the difference between beds anyway?" Stevie muttered. "I love you baby. We're going home soon, i promise."

"How can you still love me? After everything i've done?" Leelee asked tears finally flowing from her eyes as she let go.

"Because you're the little girl i always wanted. I was supposed to have Lindsey's babies. You were supposed to be mine." Stevie answered and Leelee took in the anguish written all over her face.

"I love you so much Stevie." Leelee sobbed as they clung to each other for the thousandth time in the past few days. Stevie told Leelee about her two abortions, the heartache surrounding them and it made Leelee feel strangely better, knowing that Stevie felt the same way and finally having told someone was like a weight being lifted.

"Baby will you be okay for a little while if i go talk to the doctor?" Stevie asked her after they'd both calmed down and spent a long time cuddling.

"If it gets me out of here." Leelee nodded and Stevie went to the nurses station to ask to speak to Leelee's doctor. She had a long, drawn out argument with him, but got exactly what she wanted and Leelee's discharge was processing by the time Stevie went back to her room.

Leelee looked at her eager and optimistic as she came back into her room smiling smugly.
"Lets get you in the shower quickly and then we're going home." Stevie took her hand and Leelee flung her arms around Stevie's neck grinning.

"How did you get them to let me go so soon?" Leelee asked and Stevie smirked a little.

"Well i am your legal guardian now..." Stevie told her and Leelee's face lit up.

"And you don't actually need to be here, they just wanted to keep an eye on you and run up a massive medical bill." Stevie added shaking her head in annoyance.

"Hope Lindsey has good medical insurance." Leelee joked.

"He's gonna need it when i get my hands on him." Stevie said menacingly making Leelee laugh. Stevie turned the shower on and helped Leelee into it, she seemed much stronger already, Stevie knew the emotional healing would be a slow process but she was determined to the constant in Leelee's life from now on.

A/N i'm sorry this update took a while, i had a crazy week at work and a touch of writers block, but i hope to be back to regular updates soon!