Phan Fluff

Let the Heavens Weep

The rain beat down heavily on Dan's hood as he trudged down the old road. He was soaked through, but he didn't really feel the cold. He felt numb, but not because of the temperature. There was a knot in the pit of his stomach that made it hard to breathe and all he wanted to do was scream.

He was never good enough. Never. Not in high school, and definitely not now that he was at uni. He'd thought things would change. He'd make his parents proud, become a lawyer. Do something with his life.

But he couldn't fucking stand it. He couldn't. It was hell. He didn't fit in, and every night he lay in bed, unable to sleep, mind racing. As each day went by he hated everything more, including himself.

So here he was. Making his way to the ivy bridge. He hated that he was giving up, but every time he tried to convince himself not to it was like a mountain of darkness crushed him, and he couldn't even think about it.

The sky rumbled louder and the rain started to feel like bee stings. Dan knew he was going crazy and he couldn't stop himself as he let out a scream full of agony. He sank to the ground, clutching himself, alone in this horrific world, and nothing he did to change that worked. There was no fucking point.

The bridge wasn't far. He suddenly had this burning sensation inside him and he started to pick up his pace. When he reached his destination he leant over the edge and looked down. It was a long drop into the now raging river. No better place to do it. He climbed up onto the rail and looked to the stars.

"Dan, please climb down."

Dan nearly lost his balance from the shock of the voice. He couldn't see who had spoken. "Leave me be," he whispered, barely audible.

"Dan," the voice said, louder this time. "I'm begging you. You're making the worst decision of your life."

"Pity it's gonna be the last," Dan replied.

"Dan, I don't know what's going on or what you're dealing with, but I want to help. For Christ's sake, give me a chance!"

Dan didn't respond. It was too late. No one could help him. Even if he got down and told this person all his problems, how would that solve anything? They would still be there, unfixable and depressing AF. "I'm going to jump, please go away. You don't want to see this."

"Dan if you jump you're going to fuck over everyone you care about as well as others like me. Do you really want that? Are you that cruel?"

Dan paused.

"If you jump all that terrible pain you're going through will transfer to all of us, and we will feel responsible, especially me, for the rest of our lives for what happened tonight. Do you really want to hurt that many people?"

Dan clenched his fists. "You don't understand," he muttered, starting to get angry.

"You're right, I don't. So please come down and explain it to me. You are worth so much, even if you don't see it. You have so much going for you, and I don't want you to miss out on life. You are so much more than the cloud surrounding you now."

Dan felt that cloud squeeze tighter around him. It didn't want to let go. Fuck, he wanted to jump so bad.

"Dan, you can persevere. Step down now, and you shall overcome. You are strong, Danny, and I believe in you."

Dan felt a hand take his and he looked down into a pale, frightened, yet resolute face, lit up by the nearly full moon above.

"Dan, be strong, just for this moment, and then I'll take care of you," the older boy said, gazing earnestly into Dan's eyes, pleading.

And Dan nodded.

He felt something rip inside him and he almost threw himself over, but he didn't. He stepped down, into the boy's arms. Collapsed, really.

"I'm Phil, by the way. I live a few doors down from you. I'll get you home, Dan." He pulled out an umbrella from inside his coat pocket and opened it, casting it above them. He then enveloped Dan in his arms again, pouring every ounce of warmth and care and love into him that he could.

And Dan felt it. Even though that numbness was still aching and roaring inside him, more than a bit contradictory, he didn't want this Phil to let go. So they stayed like that, the heavens weeping for the nearly lost life, still, but alive.