10 Years Later (Larry 1d)

Chapter 8

Louis blinked confusedly when he stepped outside, weirdly having expected it to be dark. The mid-afternoon sun was pale in the sky, infusing the complex with a soft light but very little in the way of warmth. He shivered, wrapped his arms around himself and strode towards one of the houses in the complex.

Louis didn't know who he was looking for, and not knowing whose house was whose, he wouldn't have been able to find them anyway. He just knew he couldn't stay in his house alone with his thoughts anymore. He reached a door and knocked on it, staring wordlessly at the man who answered.

Blue eyes stared into hazel for a long moment, before the hazel eyed man pulled Louis through the doorway and into a bone crushing hug. Louis could barely breathe, balling his fists into Zayn's shirt as they clutched each other. This was not one of those nonchalant, cool man hugs; this was two men holding on to each other for dear life; as though the world would end if they let go; as though the world had already ended and they were the only two survivors; as though they were brothers who had not seen each other for ten years. They hugged with fierce intensity and blazing emotions because those weren't empty metaphors, it was the reality.

Louis felt hot tears stabbing at his eyes and a burning lump in his throat that he could not swallow, he could feel the dam bursting under the weight of his emotions and to his shame, he started bawling. His chest heaving through uncontrollable sobs, while Zayn held him and stroked his hair.

A few minutes later, Louis became aware of Perrie clearing her throat, placing two mugs of steaming tea on Zayn's coffee table and saying gently, "I'll go upstairs and leave you two alone to talk". She walked towards the stairs, pausing briefly and turning to add with a soft smile, "It's good to see you Louis".

Louis followed Zayn to the couch, idly noticing that Zayn's house was identical to his own and sat down next to him. Louis bashfully said, "Hi"; then mumbling with a vague gesture towards the door, "I'm sorry for... You know". Zayn picked up a cigarette from the packet on the table and lit it, his slender fingers tips curling around the butt. Taking a deep drag he looked at Louis and drawled, "Don't sweat it. Wanna to talk about it?"

Louis fidgeted with his hands, bringing one up to scratch at his neck before impulsively reaching for Zayn's smokes and lighting one. He took a drag and then froze as he realised he hadn't asked, that it wasn't the old days and he didn't know what the boundaries of this relationship were anymore. He exhaled a sigh of relief when Zayn smiled and shrugged, waving a hand in the direction of his cigarettes, "Help yourself". Louis gave a wry smile and replied,"I don't even know why I did it, I gave up years ago." He carried on smoking the cigarette though, inhaling through the light headedness and rushing feelings from the nicotine, knowing there would be hell to pay later. He enjoyed the harsh acrid smoke in his throat and that it occupied his mouth and his hands long enough to calm down and figure out what he was going to say to Zayn.

In the end he couldn't think of what to say or where to start anyway, so he finished the cigarette, stubbing it out in the small ashtray. He took a deep breath and then suddenly words started falling out of him, all jumbled and tripping over each other. Zayn sat there quietly chain smoking and listening, nodding and murmuring supportive sounds in the appropriate places while Louis bared his soul.

Louis found himself telling Zayn everything. About Emma, his Mum and how afraid he was about being alone. About how fucking sorry he was for cutting the boys out, that he knew it was unforgivable, that he hated himself for it and he had missed them every single day over the last ten years, even if he hadn't been able to admit it to himself before now.

And then he talked about Harry, about Eleanor, about that night. Things that he had never talked about with anyone. It was like once he had started talking he couldn't stop, all of the things that had spent years being locked away inside him were now laid bare, the locks burst with the contents spewing out and Louis had no power to hold them back, until every last thought had been spilled and he came to a shaken halt.

When Zayn had sensed Louis had finished, he just held out his arms to Louis. Louis practically climbed into Zayn's lap, and burst into tears as Zayn held him. Louis felt pretty ridiculous, here he was at 33 years old being comforted like a small child, but Jesus Christ it felt good. Zayn rubbed his back until he grew quiet and just said softly, "We all got it, you know, none of us blamed you. We're just glad we have a chance to have you back".

At that Louis wanted to cry again, but composing himself, reached for another cigarette instead. He lit it and took a drag, shifting position to sit next to Zayn and lean his head on Zayn's shoulder. Exhaling, Louis said softly, "What am I going to say to him?" Zayn smirked and said, "Hello is usually the polite way to start." Louis smiled despite himself and punched Zayn in the shoulder playfully, shrieking when he felt his hand burning from clenching a fist around the cigarette that he'd forgotten he was holding. By instinct he clutched his hand, dropping the lit cigarette on the couch and both him and Zayn leapt up trying to catch the cigarette before it burnt a hole in the couch. Zayn grabbed it while Louis leant in, their heads colliding with a large crack. Zayn swore and flipped Louis' cigarette over to put it in his own mouth before they both burst into fits of giggles.

Louis laughed until his sides ached, feeling lighter than he had for ten years. While he still had no idea how everything was going to go with Harry, at least he now knew where he stood with one of the lads, and Zayn had assured him that Niall and Liam felt the same way as he did.

Zayn picked up both their empty mugs with one hand before asking "'nother cup?" Louis shook his head and said with a sigh, "No thanks, I should be getting back, big interview tomorrow and all that." Zayn paused and then nodded, as if he'd wanted to say something and then thought better of it. Instead, he put the mugs down and extended a hand to Louis, pulling him up into a standing position.

Zayn put his arms around Louis for another hug, this one relaxed and friendly before murmuring, "It really was good to see you Louis." Louis smiled up at him and said, "Thank you, for everything. I don't know what I would've done without you today."

They walked over to Zayn's front door, and Louis walked back towards his house, calling, "See you soon" behind his shoulder and then pausing when Zayn called out, "Don't leave it so long this time", to turn around and grin at the Bradford boy and then give him the finger.