10 Years Later (Larry 1d)

Chapter 18

After hanging out with the guys for another hour or so, Louis made his excuses and left. His head felt so full it hurt and he needed some time to think without all the lads, without Harry. He could feel worried eyes on him as he left and he wasn't that surprised when he was walking back to his house and heard Harry calling out, "Lou?" He sighed and turned around, fingering his hair nervously, turning to face Harry who looked into his eyes so intently and asked, "Are you okay? It's just, you were pretty quiet in there". Louis nodded and said, "I just need a bit of space I think, to sort my head out. It's all been a bit much, the last few days y'know." Harry nodded before pulling him into a tight hug and whispering, "I'm here if you need me". Louis couldn't find the energy to put his arms around Harry and hug him back, leaving his arms limply at his side but burying his head in Harry's neck. He was surrounded by the smell of Harry, his unique smell that no aftershave could ever hide and he abruptly pulled away and muttered, "See you later", turning on his heel and heading back to the safety of his house. He could feel Harry watching him as he walked, but he didn't look back.

Once indoors, he stripped and went to bed, not caring that it was mid-afternoon, but just wanting some solitude. He tried to nap to escape his thoughts but sleep eluded him, so he lay in bed just trying to process the events of the past week. He couldn't figure out how he felt, and he was so frustrated with himself. On one hand he was kind of glad to be out of his mundane life, doing nothing but working and seeing Emma, his family and a few friends; but this new life was terrifying and moving too fast for him. Just over a week ago he'd been fine with hating Harry and never seeing or thinking about the lads again, and now he was here, with all of them. They'd miraculously forgiven him, and still wanted to be best mates even after the way he'd treated them. It was too much, too overwhelming, Louis knew he didn't deserve their love, he hadn't even deserved to be in the band in the first place. Everyone knew Louis was the weakest singer, there were other boys at boot-camp that were far better than Louis that should've been picked for the band. He'd had thousands of tweets over the years that said so. The only reason people liked him was because they thought he'd been in a secret relationship with Harry.

Harry. Even more confusing than the lads, was the situation with Harry. He still couldn't get his head round it. Harry was in love with him. Shaking his head, he corrected himself, Harry had been in love with him. How could he have not known? Was he such a bad friend, so self-absorbed, that he was oblivious to his supposed best mate's pain? And Eleanor, he had hurt her too. The more Louis thought about it the more he thought to himself that really, he'd brought the entire situation on himself. Had he looked after the people that he'd loved none of this would have ever happened. Harry's words echoed through his head, 'We were both so broken and fucked up from being in love with you'. At that Louis let out a sob. He'd let Emma go, he'd broken her too. Everything he loved he broke, he was a destroyer, he should stay alone to save everyone else from the pain that Louis caused everyone.

Louis cried for a long time, trying to release all of his pent up emotions. He ignored the knocking on his door, lying in bed still crying hours later when he heard a broken sounding, "Oh Lou". It was Harry. Of course it was Harry, it was always Harry. Harry climbed into the bed, spooning Louis and holding him tight, which made Louis cry harder. He wanted to push Harry away, to be left alone to wallow, to try and protect Harry from him, but he just didn't have the strength. He felt so warm and safe in Harry's arms and he needed the comfort, too drained to fight it. Harry just held him and crooned soothingly into his neck, "It's okay love, let it all out" and gently kissing Louis' bare shoulder, telling Louis things like, "I'm here", "You're amazing", "I love you", "You're not alone" and "You're perfect", in-between peppering Louis' back and shoulders with little kisses. Eventually Louis fell exhaustedly into sleep, tears soaking his pillow while Harry soothed him.