Chapter 19

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Please note: this chapter contains a sex scene (masturbation smut), please skip the part surrounded by '----' if that offends you.

Harry came back upstairs and got back into bed next to Louis, the older man leaning his head on Harry's shoulder as they loaded up YouTube and started watching videos. Louis watched the videos in shock, having forgotten so much of what they did, and the banter. And fuck, he could see it in Harry's eyes, everything about Harry just screamed his love for Louis. He couldn't believe that he hadn't realised it at the time, Harry possessively putting an arm on Louis' leg, finding any excuse to touch him, the way he looked at Louis like he was his whole world. Louis flushed, the pink moving from his cheeks down to his tanned chest and he said softly, "I never knew, I thought it was just banter, just a joke, I never realised. I'm sorry", Harry laughed, but the laugh had a slightly bitter edge to it and he said tightl,y "It's okay, as I said, I'm over it now." Louis felt his heart sink a bit at that, almost like he didn't want Harry to be over him before he firmly pushed the thought away.

Louis suddenly felt acutely aware of every inch of Harry's body next to him, burning his skin and he needed to get away. He quickly got out of bed, trying to put distance between them and stop his skin tingling. He told Harry he needed to have a shower and return the phone calls he'd never got round to the day before, Harry nodded before saying, "Yeah sure, can I come back later, have dinner and hang out tonight maybe?" Louis nodded before he could tell himself it was a terrible idea and headed to the bathroom, leaving Harry to let himself out. Once he heard the door shut, he left the bathroom and sat on the bed again, trying to process last night this morning and groaning when he remembered that Harry had walked in on him naked, before realising belatedly with a gasp that he had been naked all night. Realising Harry had held him and comforted him all night, with only Harry's clothes between them. He swore to himself and decided he would take a shower after all, to clean Harry's soft kisses from his body, and the scent of Harry's skin off his own.

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He stood under the hot shower for a while, lazily washing his hair and soaping up his body. He felt his cock start to harden as he soaped his balls, and giving them a gentle tug, decided he might as well have a wank. He squirted some more shower gel into his hands and used the suds to lubricate the glide of his hands over his length. His mind was mercifully blank as he pleasured himself with lazy strokes up and down his shaft, though occasionally a brown curl or a flash of green eyes flickered unwanted into his imagination. Each time they did, he involuntarily sped up his strokes, before forcing his mind to go blank again and slowing down. It wasn't until his was close that he couldn't keep his mind clear, images of sharp collar bones, pale smooth skin, a large butterfly tattoo, green eyes, Harry's wide mouth curving into a smile, dimples popping and Louis' fingers tangled in his curls. Louis let out a bellow as he climaxed, one fist speeding over his cock and the other tugging on his ball sack, splattering the shower wall with his come.

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Louis felt faint and disgusted with himself. He'd just tossed himself off to a man. He might not have meant to, but there was no denying that he had, although he could deny that it was one of the best orgasms he'd ever had, and he did, swearing to himself that it wasn't. He quickly washed himself off again and rinsed the shower walls, the water swirling the offensive reminder away and leaving no evidence behind apart from the confusion in Louis' brain. Louis got out the shower and forced himself to forget about it, drying himself and pulling on some comfy clothes. He fished his phone out of yesterday's trouser pockets and turned it on, scanning through his messages and missed calls. He saw that Melanie had texted him his new twitter handle and password, letting him know he could change the password. Louis found that very novel, actually having control of his own twitter account! He logged in and updated the password, and was confused when he saw that he already had thousands of notifications. Before he'd even posted anything, over three hundred thousand people had already started following him, and many had tweeted him too. He followed the four lads and posted the selfie he'd taken at the weekend, with the caption, 'Reunited and it feels so good' and then tagging the other lads' twitter handles in the caption.

He read the other messages from Melanie, letting him know that all four albums were in the top five albums chart, Four being number one. Six of their singles had gone into the top 10, with Steal My Girl and Night Changes taking the top two spots, and loads more in the top 40 and they were getting loads of plays on mainstream radio. Louis couldn't believe they were number one again, after all this time. Feeling a little brighter, he decided to call his mum, who'd sent a few worried messages asking how the reunion went. He chatted to her for a while, filling her in on the events of the last few days, and what had happened at the reunion filming.

His mum laughed, actually laughed, at Louis when he explained about Harry being in love with him, saying, "Of course he was darling, anyone with eyes in their head could see that he was head over heels in love with you." Louis stuttered back, "You knew?" His mouth hung open when Jay said, "Yes, I knew, I thought you knew too. It was just the way you looked at each other, like no one else mattered. The pair of you always had to be touching, like you would each float off the ground unless the other was anchoring you to it".

Louis fell silent trying to digest this, before asking quietly in almost a whisper, terrified of the answer, "Did I love him back?" He held his breath until Jay answered kindly, "It certainly looked that way to me, son". Louis exhaled and told his Mum shakily that he had to go, had to think, had to work out what was going on. Jay told her son that she loved him, she was very proud of him, and whatever happened she would always support him.

Louis hung up the phone and stared at it in his hands for a long time, before picking up the tablet and reloading the Larry videos he'd watched with Harry before. When he'd watched them the first time he'd just been looking at Harry, trying to see what he'd been so blind to. This time he looked at himself. He watched himself watching Harry; touching Harry; trying to subtly inch closer to Harry in interviews; running his hands through Harry's curls; pressing his legs against Harry's just to reassure himself Harry was still there; the times where he reached out for Harry rather than the other way round; the jealousy he'd displayed when Harry paid attention to, or received attention from, anyone but him. All leading to the definite conclusion that the feelings hadn't just been one-sided. Louis let out a noisy breath and finally gave into the feelings he'd suppressed since the first day he'd met the younger boy with the adorable curls and heart stopping smile; the feelings he still felt now, ten years later, even stronger after the absence.

Louis realised that he'd never felt about anyone the way he felt about Harry. Nothing compared to the way Harry made him feel, no one had ever meant as much to him, had been able to affect him so much with a simple look or a smile. Louis stood up, preparing to go to see Harry, tell him how he felt before he stopped, freezing as he remembered Harry's words 'I got over you. I mean, I think some part of me will always love you, but I'm just not in love with you anymore'. He fell to the floor, heart almost breaking as he understood that he'd lost his chance; Harry didn't love him anymore. He laughed bitterly to himself at the realisation that he was doomed to pine after Harry, as Harry had pined after him all those years ago.

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