This Little Piggy

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It was 3:00am in the silent hospital. I was sitting in the corner, playing my GBA. But I wasn't really playing my GBA. Just then, the moment I'd been dreading for months came. The head doctor, my father, peeked his head into the hallway.

"Douglas?" he asked. "She's ready to see you."

I stuffed my GBA into my bag and entered the hospital room. There lay my mother, weak from the cancer. Her head was massive upon her emaciated frame. She looked like one of the gray aliens from 1950's science-fic.

"Dougy? she asked. "Is that you, ma baby boy?"

"Yes, momma." I asked. "Are you o.k.?"

She began to weep. My father put his face in his glove.

"No, baby." she said. "I'm not coming home, now or ever."

I felt hot explosions in my eyes. I put my head on my mother's lap. She bagan to sing the theme song from Doug, my childhood favorite show, because I shared

character's name.

"Honey, she asked. "Can we play the game?"

"I'm too old for that momma."

"Please?"

I nodded. She took off my shoe, and grasped my toe firmly.

"This little piggy went to market. This little piggy stayed home," she croaked through the old familiar verses.

A few minutes later, she was gone. My father put his hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry. She's dead, Doug."

I slapped his arms away. "This is all your fault!" I screamed. "You weren't a good enough doctor to save her!"

He stepped back, deeply hurt.

"You killed mommy, daddy!"

...

It was another beautiful day at the Uchiha Heights Mall. I had finally landed a date with the most

school,

at

girl

beautiful

Anderson.

She arrived at the mall, looking like a dream and greeted me with a hug.

"Hello, Doug." she laughed.

"Hey," I cheered. "What movie should we see tonight?"

"The Minions movie looks pretty cute," she posited.

"You look pretty cute," I said with a wink.

She laughed uproariously. I didn't really want to see the Minions, as I found them quite

Entertainment Weakly gave the movie a "D" but maybe if I took Alexis to it, I could be the one getting the D later.

We got our tickets and our confessions, and we went into the theater. The previews

starting.

"Oh, good!" said Alexa. "We didn't miss the previews!"

The first preview started. But, instead of the usual "This preview has been approved

audiences," the screen said "This preview is approved for NO ONE." I thought it was a joke, and gave it a good chuckle.

The previews rolled.

movie starring

superhero

Sandler, a new documentary about sharks, and a shitty CGI cartoon with Scarlet Johnson. Finally, the lights went down.

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