We Live Beneath

Chapter 17.

© All Rights Reserved. 2013

I had stripped my sheets off and applied new ones before laying back down. I called Simon to join me as I watched Lawson take his usual position on the arm chair. Carefully inspecting him as he loaded that menacing gun of his; guns made my stomach turn, I don't know why but I never liked them.

"Do you go get drunk and kill people?"

The question was obviously in a joking manner, I felt my lips curl into a smile as his dark stare met mine.

"I get drunk. And if someone happens to cross me, they get killed. Yeah."

I frowned; as his face was set in stone.

"You're kidding right?"

"Yes June, I'm joking."

I shifted below the sheets trying to find a cold place to put my feet.

"But why are you reloading? Where did the bullets go?"

He breathed in heavily, growing annoyed.

"Why don't you just get some sleep June? you're going to need it."

I knew that particular question would never get answered, Lawson was private about most if the things he did. But I couldn't help but want to know, what was he shooting at if it wasn't people? I sat up to fluff my feather pillow and laid my head back down trying to get comfortable enough to sleep as he injected the last bullet. He clicked the safety button on - then off again and finally put it away.

"Lawson, you can come sleep up here."

His head slowly tilted up to catch my stare.

"I'm not going to do that June."

"Why?"

"Because that's not going to start happening between me and you, just because we had sex - doesn't mean we have a relationship developed now. I'm not go to lay in you're bed and fucking cuddle; that's not me."

"We don't have to cuddle."

He stood groaning rubbing a hand over his eyes, monetarily covering his face.

"You don't get it do you?"

He pulled out his phone.

I sat up my eyes directly going to the clock on my wall, it was almost four in the morning.

"Don't leave. Please."

I lifted his concentration from dialing.

"I think I made a huge mistake by fucking you June."

I got up from the covers and stood; he hurt my feelings by saying that, why was I such a 'huge' mistake?

"I just don't want you to go getting crazy ideas in your head, I'm a man and I have needs much different than yours. I like sex. And I won't confined myself to one women."

So there he said it; plain as day. He wasn't going to commit and that was ok, it was just sex right? I had to keep my head screwed on straight about the situation. Zander Lawson wasn't relationship material; I had to keep that in mind. I knew I wasn't going to be able to keep my feelings from blossoming, I was with this man since the age if sixteen, he was the only thing I was sure about. And I was nothing to him, just another fuck. I too - begin to believe losing my virginity to him was a huge mistake.

"Ok Lawson. You can leave then - go be with you're other whore. I guess I wasn't enough."

I climb back in bed and pull the blankets over my head. Such. A. Asshole. I was feeling sensitive; couldn't he have waited for a better time to spit that mouthful out at me? I herd his heavy feet on the floor and then he pulled the blanket away from my face, seeing his eyes made me want to melt right into the mattress; they were so gentle yet so manly.