Make a Memory ✔

Chapter 11 : "Eat, Pray, Love." (2010)

“Taylor this is amazing! I can't believe you did this!” He smiled down at me. “I didn't know if I could pull it all off on such short notice. When I heard you humming this morning and then later, playing it on the piano, I figured that you're a fan of the music. Kevin knows John and he called in a favour for me.” I still couldn't believe it. The band was giving us a private concert, while we were being served the finest food in the city. Amazing what money could buy, but that didn't matter to me, the only thing that mattered was that I could share this all with Taylor. The waiter served us exotic foods like caviar and escargot. I didn't have either. Fish eggs and snails? Please people, it's disgusting! I don't care how much it cost, I'm not going to eat it. Taylor laughed at me, but it I felt a glow of satisfaction when he told the waiter “I'll pass.”
Looks like we have a lot in common after all. With the soothing sounds of Second Hand Serenade subtly in the background, Taylor started asking me about my family. I sighed and felt like Cameron Diaz in "The Holiday" - 'I'll say this quick'.
I told him about my parents' divorce, my dad's travels, the ones I know about, and about running mom's shop.
“Did you like working in your mother's jewellery store?”
“Yeah, I guess I did. I mean, I knew that I won't be doing it forever, but it was kind of nice. The routine, the insurance of a steady income.”
Of course he frowned at that. “Don't you have a steady income now?”
“Yeah, at the museum. At the club we get kind of a cut of the profit we make so that depends on how many shifts you're working, how busy the club is and so on and so on.” He nodded in understanding.
“Tell me more about your aunt. You only mentioned that she raised you.”
Sigh. “Aunt Victoria isn't really a kids kind of person.” I said carefully.
I didn't like the woman, but it seemed petty now to talk about how bad she was.
“She didn't want to take care of a rebellious twelve-year old. It must have been difficult for her, not having a husband or kids, used to being alone and then I landed on her front porch. Heaven knows I didn't even try to make it easier for her.” Taylor looked at me, not disapprovingly, more like he was trying to picture me as a difficult teenager.
“Why were you difficult? I know it must have been hard not having a father and losing your mother, but you make it sound like you went sort of...” he was looking for the right word so I helped him out.
“Overboard?” I asked and he nodded.
“Aunt Victoria never liked my mom. She felt it was because of my mother that Gerald couldn't stay in Gilbertsville, I don't know. She didn't even go to mom's funeral. That's when I made her into the wicked aunt and made her life hell.” I took a sip of my wine.
“I was just a kid and aunt Victoria was the only family I had left. I couldn't understand why she wasn't sad that my mom died. I accused her that she was happy mom was dead. When I was old enough to understand, I knew that just because she wasn't sad, didn't have to mean that she was happy. By then it was too late to make amends, we were both so angry all the time. Angry at my dad, angry at each other. We couldn't have a normal conversation without it ending in a huge fight. We still can't. I moved out of her house the day after graduation and for a while it looked like we'd be able to work things out. That was until I fired the manager that was in charge of mom's store. The manager she appointed after weeks of interviews. I haven't spoken to her since I moved to New York.” Except that one phone call on the day I moved.
“How long have you been in New York?” Taylor asked.
“Almost seven months.” I wondered what he thought about my story. It was one thing to like a person, but to embrace them with whatever history they have was quite another thing. I didn't like to talk about my past. It didn't make me angry or sad, I didn't allow self-pity, I just didn't like the person I used to be. Now that I'm more mature, I understand her better, but I still didn't like her all that much.
I decided to change the subject before the silence between us grew uncomfortable.
“Tell me about your parents. We only talked about your brothers and sister earlier.” He smiled.
“My parents are typical farm folks. They've never been out of the States and I don't think they'll leave anytime soon.” I laughed at that, sure I've never even been anywhere but Gilbertsville and New York City, but I had dreams of traveling around the globe one day.
“Mom makes the best strawberry jam in the county. Dad won the blue ribbon at the Farmers Market last year for one of his horses.”
“Does your dad have crops?” I asked interested, I loved the farm life.
“Not on big scale. He's more into breeding with horses, but he has a few acres of wheat. Then we also have cows, pigs and chickens. The cows and chickens are mostly for milk and eggs we sell to the bakery.”
“But that's a lot of stuff. Does your dad have a lot of people working for him?”
“No, probably only ten or so. Most of them help out at the horses. Sam's in charge of the crops and Julius of the other livestock. They've always been set on staying at home and helping out. Me and Lucy were the ones wanting more out of life. It was my idea that she go to UCLA like me, now I can keep an eye on her and help her get a job when she graduates.” That sounded sensible, he was looking out for her like the guys always did for me.
“You said the other night that maybe you'll go back to school. What do you want to go study?” he asked as our dinner was placed in-front of us. I didn't know what it was, but it was delicious.
“I'm not sure yet. I was thinking about writing or maybe something to do with music, but I can't decide.”
“What kind of writing?”
“I have a very vivid imagination. Nicky says I'll should start writing novels, but I'm not so sure. I'd rather go for something like screenplay. The mushy stuff novelist come up with these days are totally ridiculous.” He frowned at me.
“You disapprove of novels?” I had to shake my head at that.
“No, novels like the ones Jane Austen wrote are more realistic. Not all love stories have happy endings, not all affairs end with marriage and most importantly. People don't just fall in love and live happily ever after. There's a lot of obstacles, a lot of crying and screaming and most of the time, someone ends up broken-hearted.”
“That's true, but that's what makes love so precious. Nothing in life is easy so why should love be? If there is one thing in this world that is worth our blood, sweat and tears, then it's love.” His eyes burned into mine, his angelic face serious and no smile lingering around his lips. His voice made you want to believe in everything he said. He made me want to believe in true love and happy endings. He made me want it for me and everyone who's ever been hurt. It gave me hope for us, for this crazy infatuation that had to end in a very short time. I racked my brain for something to change the subject and came up empty. Since he opened the future discussion, there was only one question now that really mattered to me.
“So, what's your plans for the future?” I asked carefully, not really wanting him confirm when this will all end, but still needing to know. He set his wine glass down and looked at me, obviously as reluctant as I to talk about this.
“I have the premier tomorrow, then I have some promoting to do in London and Hong Kong. I have to be back in Los Angeles on the 1st of July. After that I'm off to Australia to start rehearsing for my next film.” I couldn't find my voice. If he had to be in London on Monday, he had to leave early Sunday, he had to sleep off his jet-lag. That meant that I only had tomorrow, if he could see me and maybe Saturday. What if tonight was the last time I saw him? The last time that we'll be together like this? I looked down into my almost empty wine glass. Maybe that's how I'll feel after he's gone, almost empty. Very appropriately, John picked up his guitar and started playing "Heart of Stone".


Staring at the glass in-front of me, is it half empty?
Have I ruined all you've given me?

If you leave me tonight, I'll wake up alone.
Don't tell me I will make it on my own.
Don't leave me tonight...
This heart of stone will sink 'till it dies if you leave me tonight.

Don't you see?
I'm not the only for you, but you're the only one for me.

How true that last one was. I wasn't the only one for him, but he was the only one for me. We sat there in silence for I don't know how long. I didn't know if it was merely second or if it was minutes.
“Don't look so sad.” He asked me softly and I looked into his pleading eyes.
“I'm sorry. I'm spoiling the mood aren't I?” He didn't say anything but suddenly smiled his stunning Hollywood smile, knocking the air right out of my lungs. “Come with me to the premiere tomorrow night.” My mouth literally fell open. He wanted me to go with him to the premiere? To actually appear with him in public? Like a couple?
“Taylor... I... don't... know.” It came through my gritted teeth.
It was all I could do to keep the tears back. I wanted to collapse in a hopeless bunch and cry and cry and cry. And scream. Scream to the world how much I loved him, how unfair it was that I couldn't have him forever and always.
“Please Selena. Everyone wants to know why I'm acting so differently since Tuesday. I want to show them. I want to show you off to the world.” Was it only Tuesday that we met? Only two days ago that my entire universe shifted and started rotating around him? This wasn't right. What was the point of showing me to the world if he was leaving my world.
“I don't think it's a good idea.” I tried to say it calmly, but my voice was hoarse.
“Why not?” he insisted. I could see determination in his eyes and the way his jaw was set.
“Because you're leaving.... me.” The last part came out in a whisper.
“I will come back to you.” Promise burned in both his voice and his face. How could I say no? After he promised to come back, promised not to break my heart? So I nodded and he came around the table to take my hand. He pulled towards the small open space and asked the band to play a specific song. The blood was rushing through my ears so fast that I couldn't hear what song he asked for. He wanted me to go with him to the premiere and he was coming back to me. Maybe there was a happy ending insight for me? The music started and we started moving in slow circle, our bodies pressed together tightly. He sang along softly, his mouth close to my ear, so that I was the only one that could hear.


So hold your breath because tonight will be the night
that I will fall for you,
over again...
I won't live to see another day, I swear it's true.
Because a girl like you is impossible to find, you're impossible to find.

.....I have loved you from the start....

.....Breathe in so deep, breathe me in......
Hold on to your words.... and remember me tonight when you're asleep...

He only sang the parts that meant something to him, and now it held meaning for me too. When the song came to an end we went out onto the terrace again, where we had chocolates, strawberries and cream for desert. The strawberries were so good that they didn't need the cream or the chocolate. Taylor was leaning against the side of the sofa and I went over to lie in his arms. We looked at the few stars that were visible in the city sky, but after a while I got kind of bored. Sure it was pretty, but the massive Boeing coming in to land was a constant reminder that we were in the city that never sleeps. You could still hear the faint but constant hum of traffic in the streets below and the buildings that were so beautiful earlier still had lights on everywhere. An indication that some poor idiot was still working, trying to make a good living. Taylor must have felt the same because he stood up and pulled me to my feet.
“I'm kind of tired now. Let's go.”
I didn't know if we meant go to my apartment or go up to his room. Taylor thanked the band for coming and they smiled and made a bit of conversation. Of course their not going to complain, I was sure that they had a steady price for private concerts and if they didn't, Taylor wasn't cheap.
We went up to his room, his spectacular Peninsula suite. Finally I'm going to get the chance to see the bedrooms. I was only in the living room this morning. He led me straight to the bedroom, not even bothering to turn on the lights. The master bedroom was even more spectacular than the rest of the suite. If that was possible. There was a king-sized four-post bed, a 50inch flat screen television against the one wall, an en-suite bathroom and everything was simply stunning! The bed had white covers and it looked like a fluffy cloud, like you could actually fall through the softness. I sat down on the bed and it felt exactly as I imagined.
“What are you thinking about?” Taylor looked over at me from the bedroom door. He was leaning against the frame, his arms folded across his chest. I laughed.
“How soft the bed is.”
He laughed with me, the serious atmosphere from earlier lifted. My eye caught the window and I saw our reflections in the glass. I looked so out of place with all the expensive surroundings, like a daisy growing in a rose garden.
Dull dull dull dull dull.
“Wait until you see the view.” Taylor walked over to window and looked out over the city.
“It is so beautiful.” I said as I reached the window and stood by his side. He was looking down at me.
“Even more so because you are with me.” That's what I thought the whole day. My World-through-Nicky's-eyes-theory. I smiled up at him.
“You know in fairy tales, usually when all the evil is defeated and land is restored to it's former glory?” He nodded, not knowing what the hell it had to do with anything, but I wanted to explain my theory to him. I wanted him to know how I felt.
“Then everything is more glorious than before evil soiled it. Everything is magical. That's how it feels like when I'm with you. Everything is more beautiful than before. Everything is magical.” I looked up at him and sighed happily when I saw the understanding in his eyes. He knew what I was talking about. He knew because he felt the same. It was there in his eyes, burning down into my owns eyes where my feelings were showing. He kissed me and with all the revelations I have made tonight, it was even more potent than any other kiss. It left me breathless, dizzy and desperately wanting more. We lay on the bed, in each others arms. We didn't talk, we were content with where we were at that moment. I was getting sleepy, but I didn't want to risk missing one single minute.
“You know,” I whispered to him, not opening my eyes, “when I moved to New York I expected it to be challenging and one heck of an adventure.”
He didn't say anything, so I continued.
“It was challenging at first. Transforming from country girl to city woman. And finding a job... that's was the biggest challenge I have ever had.”
His arms tightened slightly around me, knowing how hard it was for me without needing me to say it so many words.
“Living with Johnny makes everyday an adventure.” I gave a soft laugh and I knew he was smiling.
“But you... This... It's the one thing I wasn't expecting. I wasn't even prepared for it.” His arms tightened around me again and he whispered back.
“I wasn't looking forward to this week in New York. It was Kevin's idea to come a few days before the premiere. To celebrate me finishing the film and to experience a bit of NY nightlife. I was here six months ago for a couple of promotions and we had to shoot a few scenes of the film on Ellis Island. I was here for two weeks and I didn't go out once.” I could hear the laughter in his voice.
“Kevin was so disappointed, but I don't go out alone. Only two of the other cast members were here with me. One was seven and the other fifty-five. Not likely candidates for clubbing. Tuesday night I just wanted to stay at the hotel, but Kev convinced me to go out and it was the best thing I've ever done. If you think you were unprepared for this, imagine how I felt. Reluctant in a club, not having a good time at all, to top it all off, I couldn't keep my eyes of the bar-lady. Kevin gave me all my hell all evening because I wasn't good company, standing on the VIP balcony, staring at you. When you started dancing, I thought I was having heart palpitations.” I laughed and was thankful the lights were out, hiding my embarrassed blush. We were quiet for a while. I was replaying his words in my head.
“Oh...” I whispered.
“What?” he asked curiously.
“I just had an epiphany. I've always seen my first day in New York as the start of my new life.” I smiled as the realization sunk in completely.
“I saw you on my first day in New York. The day I started my new life was the first time I saw you.”
“Wow.” he whispered
“Yeah. Wow.” I echoed him.
“But I would have remembered if I'd seen you, I'm sure.” I pushed up on my elbow, looking down at him. His arm was still curled around my waist and now rested lightly in the small of my back.
“Taylor, there's over seven millions people living in New York and that's excluding the tourists. Anyways, you were at the TRL studios in Time's Square. I was on the other side of the road, but Nicky and Rico were in the crowd out on the pavement below the studio.” I laughed again at the memory of my first day.
“I was still a country girl back then so I didn't get it. I sat on the pavement and waited for Nicky and Rico. I'd probably act differently today.” I added as an afterthought.
“No you wouldn't.” Taylor contradicted.
“You are so different than anyone I've ever met. Selena, you don't care about what the tabloids say. You don't want the paparazzi all over you, it's like the fact that I'm a celebrity doesn't matter at all.”
“That's because it doesn't matter to me. I've told you before, when you're with me you're Taylor. When you go to interviews, when you're in the spotlight you're Robert. The rest is irrelevant. Unimportant.”
“You might just be the best thing that has ever happened to me.” He said as he pulled me down on top of him.
“That's good then, because you are the best thing that has ever happened to me.” I kissed him and on his lips, I tasted his promise that he would come back to me. And that was good enough for me. For now.