Second Chance (JaDine Fanfiction)

Chapter 20: Because I Said So

"Nadine, can I ask you something?" I said as I was driving her home.

She had been silent since we left the resort. "Yeah."

"Can I still have you back? I know you broke up with me..." I felt my voice cracked. "Pero hindi ko kaya. I told you my life would mean nothing without you in it."

"Hindi ko alam." She looked me in the eyes, "Ang alam ko, mahal kita...pero sinaktan mo ako nang sobra. And one thing I've learned from this experience is, love is never enough to make things work. Kailangan pinagkakatiwalaan mo yung taong mahal mo...at dapat mapapagkakatiwalaan ka rin niya." she smiled though pain was painted on her hazel eyes. "Kasi in the long run, when love fails, yung pagtitiwala lang sa isa't isa yung mapanghahawakan natin, eh. Pero with us, hindi na yun ganun...nasira na. And I honestly don't know if I'll be able to trust you again."

We were in front of their house. She gave her one last look at me and touched my cheek with her soft hand. "I still don't know how to move on...but I will." then she kissed me on my lips. It was one painful gift I've got from her before she left me all alone in my car.

Nadine's POV

I'm not fine...not even close to being okay. I just let go of the person I wanted to be with for as long as I can.

But I had to, I had to be stronger than that person who has loved him.

All good things come to end. Mine just ended before I really had it.

I wiped my tears and pressed the door bell. He is still in his car, waiting for me to look back. But, I won't.

I can't keep hurting myself.

A small party was waiting as well as my family and a few friends.

But when mom noticed James in his car, she said, "Halika na, James. Kayo talaga, kanina pa namin kayo inaantay."

Shit. Akala ko ba good bye na 'yon?

I feel really stupid. Especially when James went out of his car and said, "Sure po, tita. May konting LQ lang po kami ng birthday girl. But we're gonna be fine.." and he held my hand as we walked.

God, how can I move on from him when everytime he's close, I start believing we could make things right again?

The party was a blast. And though it was small, I've shared it with people who mean well to me.

Minus one.

Drinks and cocktails were also served at our mini bar by the dining room.

I grabbed one and head on to my room when suddenly, someone pulled me by the door. Someone has been there already.

It was James. He was as handsome as the last time I laid eyes on him lovingly.

"Baby, happy birthday..." then he handed me the same box he did earlier this afternoon. "You may start moving on from where we were. But I'll always wait for you to come back.." his tears began to fall. "To think that I may no longer see those beautiful eyes and your pretty face makes it so hard to accept the fact that everything between us has to end."

I felt the same way. I don't ever want to lose him. But I had to mend my heart...since it has been hurt and shattered into pieces.

He kissed me lovingly. I can't even stop myself from responding to his sweet and gentle kisses. It was full of love and sincerity. We gasped for air after that. Our hearts were racing fast.

Before I even knew it, I've already locked the door. We were kissing even more deep than what we had earlier. He gently pushed me to a wall, without parting his lips from mine.

I could not help but fall for him all over again.

Maybe it was the alcohol. Because the moment he drew back from kissing me, I grabbed him by his collar. "No, James...don't hold back." And I kissed him passionately.

He was not protesting. But when things started to get pretty heated up, he broke the silence, "Will you leave me still after this?" he looked at me, pleading was in his eyes.

"Hindi ko alam." but I really wanted to give him the chance. I just don't think I'll make it easy for him.

He stopped kissing me and sat up on the edge of the bed. "We can't do this. Not without your love. Not without us being together. I don't want you to regret this forever if we'll push through this." he sighed, his eyes were almost teary. "Since we can't fix this, and you said needed the time to move on...I-I might get back to Australia. My father wanted me to come back there. He has been sick for months now."

I suddenly felt like being pierced right through the heart.

"I-ikaw lang?" I asked. He nodded.

"Hindi naman kasali si Jacko sa ayaw mo'ng makita, di ba?" He said plainly.

With that, I should have felt relieved. But I was not. The pain got even worse.

"So is it now my call para umalis ka?" And I just sat on my bed without a second thought.

He is leaving. He is leaving me.

"No. But if we were together I would've asked you to come with me and visit my dad." then he looked at me, my eyes were now teary, He asked in confusion, "Hey, okay ka lang ba?" He looked concern.

"Y-yeah...I'm good." And I drank the cocktail with one gulp.

"Do you want me to stay? Because if you do, I always will." he said as he was trying to come near me.

But instead of making myself calm down, tears began to fall.

"No. You can go." galit na ako. Without even thinking, nabitawan ko na ang hawak-hawak kong baso. "Go out now. Out!!!" and that was all it took for him to leave. I was left alone in my room, dark and cold.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.

One week after, I just knew from Yuan that he has already left for Australia. But he left me a letter. Something I never bothered to open.

What for? He can't just leave and leave me a letter like how the movies do it.

But the pain of not having him near made my heart grow colder each passing day. And I've come to realize that heartbreaks were really true.

You may not be wounded nor hurt physically, but somewhere deep inside you, the pain is too real to ignore. Like a part of you dies a little each day. And the pain takes away all that you once were... until you are left with nothing but emptiness.

3 months of taking a break from school and other stressors, my mom became more than worried with me.

"Anak, akala ko ba simpleng LQ lang?" she asked.

"Ma .." I ran to hug her. Tears were flowing right from my eyes. "He fell for Billie's bait na ligawan si Lexi. Pero maaayos naman sana 'yon kung hindi siya umalis...pero umalis pa rin siya."

"Pinigilan mo ba?" my mom asked simply.

I shook my head. "No. In fact, tinulak ko pa siya palayo, ma. Tinanong nya kung ayaw ko ba na umalis siya, dahil kapag sinabi kong ayaw ko, he will stay like he always wanted. Pero inunahan ako ng pride ko."

My mom looked at me and smiled, "He really loves you, anak. That's why he made you choose. Pero you told him to leave, and he thought that it would make things easier for you, kaya siya lumayo."
She assured me by saying, "Kung hindi ka niya mahal, ipagsisiksikan pa rin nya yung sarili nya sa'yo kahit nahihirapan ka'ng makita siya. Love does not only mean doing everything to be with the one you love... but love is truly seen when one chooses to leave just to see the ones they love happy, even if it means their absence is the only thing to have it that way. Because eventually, time will heal all the wounds of the heart right before we know it. And maybe by then, ready ka nang sagutin ang mga tanong nya. Yung mga tanong na sa ngayon ay takot ka pang sagutin."

I want him to stay, but he had to go away. Because it was what I wanted him to do...and because I said so.