Courtesy Of Blurryface

I'm Never What I Like, I'm Double-Sided

It's my first day as a Senior tomorrow. I'm both kind of excited and unnerved. I know, you're asking, "If you're a pessimist. Why are you excited?" Well, that's like asking why Josh dyes his hair constantly.

I'm kind of excited because it's my last year but... it's my last year. I haven't picked out a college, I only have 1 friend but that's not totally a bad thing. Josh is a good friend, he's supported me through my bad times to which my old friends abandoned me.

I can also reconnect with some of my parents' friends' kids. My mom setted up a play-date for me with this kid, Brendon.. Brendon... Brendon Urie! Yeah, that's his name! Anyway, my mom set up a play-date for us in Preschool. To be honest, we did have fun. We basically played with play-doh the whole time but back then, play-doh was our childhood. Hell, it was everybody's childhood at one time or another, I'm sure of it. Even though Brendon and I had fun, we never really talked after that.

There was a girl my brother, Zack had dated in his Junior year. Her name was... Hayley.. I think her last name was Williams. Wait a second.. Yeah, he dated her in his Junior year. She was a Junior as well but they broke up after 7 months. Granted, they were cute together and I really liked Hayley.

She was nice, unlike Zacks' other girlfriends. She was cute but I never really talked to her. I was too nervous.

Zack is older than me by one year so I don't see him much, I have other siblings but to be honest, I don't care for them as much as I do Zack.

Sometimes, I wish I got go back into the past. To fix some of my mistakes. I know I irritate people with my timidness but Josh usually stands up for me.

Even though, I hang out with Josh. There's still people I wouldn't mind reconnecting with such as Brendon and.. I don't know about Hayley. Like I said, she's a year older then me since she's Zacks' age but I don't really know what happened to her after the break-up.

Anyway, if I wasn't so shy and timid back then, I wouldn't have a hard time having a conversation with anybody which means Brendon and I could have been friends and Hayley and I could have been good friends too but I'm too scared to communicate with people.

If you must know, Josh and I met in 3rd Grade during an assignment. He picked me to work with which was weird to me since nobody really liked me but after we got an A on the assignment. He said we were a good team and that made me feel good so I started hanging out with him.

I just wish I was more energetic and dynamic like Josh because my parents said I was a very happy child but stopped being happy. I don't know, I'm never what I like and I feel like I am happy and sad as if I'm double-sided.