Courtesy Of Blurryface

So Many Times, We're Staring Down The Barrel Of A Gun

I walk to Mr. Nolans' office.

He sees me in the doorway, "Come on in, Tyler." He puts away his papers.

I set my backpack down, close the door and sit down.

"How was your summer?"

"It was decent."

"How is that?"

"My brother, Zack left last year and this summer was depressing without him."

"Do you know why you're depressed?"

"I don't know, I can't seem to enjoy anything. I'm a pessimist, you know so."

"No, you're anhedonic."

"What is anhedonic?"

"It means that you can't enjoy anything."

"So, anhedonic is another word for pessimist."

"No, no, they are far more different, Tyler."

"How so?"

"Being a pessimist means you will never be happy, you specialize in being pessimistic, you'd be sort of.. A genius at pessimism but.. Being anhedonic means that you have your moments of pessimism, you're not exactly a pessimist, you're still in the Pee-Wee leagues of pessimism."

"So, I will be a pessimist when I grow up?"

"That's your choice but I know from what your parents have said, you used to be happy as a child but they don't know what happened."

Puberty. Maybe, puberty happened.

"I've also seen you smile around school, making jokes with Josh. You're not a pessimist, I can see."

"How are you so sure? No offense but.. You don't have all of the answers." I state.

So much for NOT being like Kanye West.

".."

".."

"You know, Tyler. There are so many times in this world.. Where we stare down the barrel of a gun, testing our lives on a millisecond of pressing a-a physically harmless trigger but that trigger sets off your expiration date. We decide in that moment whether we should set off that expiration date but.. We want to last longer.. We want to mean more and last longer than a box of cereal would."

"Excuse me but let me paint a portrait.. A mental picture portrait and hopefully, you won't forget. I am not as fine as I appear or seem.. Pardon, behind my eyelids-these eyelids... Are islands of violence."

"Tyler.. Life has an undertone and it's hopeful. Life has a hopeful undertone and I hope you realize that. Just don't go killing yourself. Stay alive.. Stay alive for me, Tyler." Mr. Nolan opens the door and exiles me.

We're supposed to talk for almost an hour but he didn't do that.. I know he was trying to make as many points as possible for me to stay alive but sometimes, I don't want to stay alive.