TOBIN'S POV
It's been a year since Alex's death. We are all still hurting, we all lost our spark and we can't find any way to be happy. I haven't touched a soccer ball ever since she died in my arms. I can't even step onto the pitch because it just reminds me of her, because she died on that very field.
Whenever we have practice I don't even show up. I just sit in my room with the door locked. I just think about Alex and everything I lost.
Everyday it just gets harder and harder to wake up in the morning. All I could think about is Alex and how I'm going to spend the rest of my life missing her. I already miss her, I never knew I would be in so much pain knowing that I won't ever see her again.
Memories keep going through my mind like an endless roller coaster and I just can't seem to forget her. I know forgetting her isn't something that she would want, and she told me not to forget her. But every time I think of her I think of everything we've been through. I always end up in tears and I wish she was still here. She should be here, giving me a hug and telling me it'll be okay.
Today being her birthday, her first birthday that she won't be here, it gets harder. I hate knowing that I won't be able to go up to her and jump into her arms and say happy birthday. I hate knowing that she won't be able to swing me in circles and tell me I love you.
As I sit up in bed, I look at her empty bed that she's suppose to be sleeping on. Right now I should have jumped on top of her and say "wake up you loser!" And we would both start laughing until she looks me in the eyes. Her ocean blue eyes that I won't ever see again.
I let out a sigh as I slowly get out of bed ready to face whatever life throws at me today. I take a long shower and put on one of Alex's favorite jackets and some sweat pants. I breathe in the familiar scent of her and it makes me miss her even more.
Finally I go down to the lobby where the rest of the team was. Everyone has something with them. Weather it was a soccer ball, or balloons or even a simple card. After all it is her birthday, and you have to celebrate a new chapter in your life, always.
We all board the bus that took us to the cemetery. No one even said a word. That's how it's been lately, our team hotel was unusually quite and it made us all uncomfortable. When people passed by the hotel they would all turn silent and bow their heads down or stop by her memorial just outside the hotel. On our practices and games, we don't do anything well. In fact, I haven't even practiced with the team in two months already because it was just so much for me. We have another game today, and it should be jut as hard as it has been these past games.
It was hard for us as a team, and as a nation. No one, especially a young girl like her should have died so soon especially because I knew she had other dreams to follow. She had her whole life planned out and she knew what she wanted. She even knew what I wanted and I just never realized it.
"You have to follow your dreams Tobin, that's what's more important." Those words that Alex told me keep going through my head.
We finally make it to the cemetery and exited the bus with our heads down. We find her grave, which was right next to a large tree. I was the first to crouch down right in front of her gravestone.
Alexandra Patricia Morgan
Daughter of Pamela and Michael Morgan
Loving sister, teammate and best friend
Gone but never forgotten
I trace my finger over those words and a tear slips from my eyes. I watch as my teammates all back away from me, knowing that I needed some time alone.
"Hey Lex." I whisper. "I miss you, you know that right. Nothing is the same here. This team is falling apart and we all know it. We all should have known that we weren't strong enough for each other, and we need to be because that's what you want." I say as I feel tears beginning to fall. "I wish you never had to go because I miss you so much Alex. I love you, I'll love you everyday." I say as I put my fingers to my lips and place them on her grave stone. "I'll see you soon. Happy birthday." I say as I wipe my eyes and stand up and place the balloons next to her stone.
