Forever

Chapter 14

As soon as the sentence is out of his mouth and tracked to my ears my heart drops to my stomach and my breath catches in my throat. My heart rate is off the charts and my chest almost feels empty.

"Wh-what do you mean" I stubble over my words, taking deep breaths to calm myself

"I mean...I can't... I don't want to go out with you." he says hard and stern making me jump a little at his tone

"Oh...um do you want to reschedule or something?" I ask hopeful, really trying to avoid what my brain and heart is telling me

"No we can't do this. I'm your teacher and you are my student. It's illegal and just wrong so we have to stop whatever this is" he says in the same, almost scary, tone

My heart is breaking a little more with ever word he says, tearing away little by little the barrier I was holding up to keep me from crying. He just made me feel disgusting and wrong, like all of our past was my doing.

"Oh...um" I say the lump in my throat rising, making it almost impossible for me to sound like I'm not about to cry "why did you ask me out then...or...kiss me?" I say thinking back and regretting it, I'm such an idiot. I knew this would happen.

"I..I wasn't thinking I apologize for leading you on it was my fault, please think nothing of it. Forget any time I showed inappropriate actions towards you. I should not have done that as your teacher..." he pauses a moment "it meant nothing to me " his voice was strained I could tell, I knew he was trying to cover it up. I wanted to believe it was sadness and pain I heard in his voice but it was obvious he was feeling neither of those things from the words he was saying "from now on we should only speak in class and have a...regular teacher and student relationship" he says

I wish I could speak, I really do. I wish I could tell him that it doesn't effect me, that he means nothing to me. That I am completely fine with this but...I feel my heart breaking. I feel the lump lodged in my throat chocking down my words and I feel the tears on my cheeks.

It hurt, it hurt like hell, it was almost like he wanted me to know for sure, beyond a doubt, that he wanted nothing to do with me. To make sure I never wanted anything to do with him, and man was he doing a good job.

"Rose?" He asks in a worried tone, ha- bullshit

"I'm sorry for my inconvenience to your time and for wasting so much of it" I say tripping over the last few words, tears forming rapidly in my eyes as he breaks my heart with each word.

"Ok...goodbye Rose" he says acting like it was a goodbye for forever but I did catch a hint of pain in his voice, not helping the feeling of emptiness in my heart but only making it worse.

"Goodbye" I whisper, choking on a silent cry and quickly ending the call not wanting to hear another hurtful word out of his mouth.

My breathing because rapidly fast, and an extreme pain in my chest. This pain was worse than any time my father hit me, any time his foot connected with my stomach or the terrible words that sometimes cut deeper than the physical abuse. This pain cuts into my soul. It felt as if someone had ripped opened my chest and grabbed my heart, tore it out, and cut it in to little pieces. I couldn't hold it in any more I broke- along with my heart, letting the tears flow down my cheeks. I always promise myself I would never cry over a boy because I would never be in love, how could I believe in love when I never saw it, all I saw in my mother and fathers relationship was hate and pain. But of course I had the luck to fall in love with a man who was one my teacher and two wanted nothing to do with me.