When I'm In His Arms

Chapter 13 :)

Louis pushed the door open and ushered me inside. The Tv was on, Niall and Zayn were both passed out on the couch, Liam was brushing his teeth while staring intently at the screen, and Harry wasn't in sight. The room was dark, the only was light coming from the televised soccer game.

I managed a fake yawn and stretched. "Wow," I said. "I'm really exhausted. I think I'll get ready for bed now. Goodnight boys."

Louis looked at me as he sat down beside his bandmates. His expression looked worried, but I was guessing it was just from earlier tonight. Somehow I would make it up to him. Just not tonight.

"Goodnight," he said.

Liam and Louis nodded and started talking about the game. I stepped into my room and flicked the light on. The night had been the best of my life. And it was just going downhill. I should've known that everything was too good to be true. I should've gone with my instincts and Ditched them all when I had the chance.

I sat on my bed and looked at the ceiling. My eyes traveled around the hotel suite. Then a glimmer coming from the bathroom caught my attention. I turned my head to the bathroom where a brand-new package of razors sat on the counter. I eyed it wearily, wondering if anyone would notice if I disappeared in the bathroom for a while. I bit my lip, then slowly got up and walked towards the razors. I felt shakey. I promised I wouldn't... but how could one cut hurt?

I slunk over, shut the door behind me and steadied myself over the sink. I peered at myself in the mirror. I looked pale and quite shaken. I loved Louis. He was my world. But how could I live without him? The bitterness of reality was unbearable. I knew that he would be leaving in a month at the earliest, but then again, how quick would a month go by? And would I ever lay my eyes on him in person after that? The odds were against me as usual, and the thought of having to go back to live with Jeff and his son was more tormenting by the second.

I broke the cardboard packaging and took out the tray, studying the smoothness of the razor sharp edges. There were three shining blades on each one, and after removing one, I felt my hand getting closer to my wrist, faster and faster. The need to bleed was becoming overwhelmingly desirable. I set the cool metal against the inside of my wrist and pressed down a little. I was then distracted by the sudden appearance of a face in the mirror, eyebrows arched in surprise.

"Saby!"

I spun around and dropped the razors. Harry was standing in the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist. "Holy SHIT Harry! What are you doing?!" I shrieked. I hid the razor behind my back and moved in front of the ones on the counter. If he saw...

He knit his eyebrows. "Well hello to you too. I'm just taking a shower. What are YOU doing?"

"Nothing!" I snapped. "Why was the door open though?

He rolled his eyes. "I don't know, it's a habit. So maybe if I'm dying in here people will be more aware? I don't know."

I stared at him in disbelief. "You gave me a heart attack!"

As he craned his neck around to look behind me, I turned to block his view. But there was no use. His eyes traveled to the razors, and he inched closer, taking the blade away from my fingertips. "It's hard to stop, isn't it?"

Confusion seized my mind. "Wait... you too?"

He shook his head, water flinging off the tips of his sopping wet locks. "I know someone who does." He suddenly lowered his voice. "You know, this would crush Louis. I see the way he looks at you, and I'm telling you, he's in love. Can't you do one little thing for him and stop?"

I said, "He doesn't love me."

"Well," he laughed. "Could've fooled me."

"I can't stop. He already knows I do it anyway."

Harry raised his eyebrows. "Oh? So okay, I'm wrong about one thing, but I know what love is." He bent over, and I had to avert my eyes so I didn't see anything that the towel was supposed to be covering. "Trust me, I've seen it only a couple times, and you don't want to let go of something that precious. And did it ever occur to you that maybe he thought he could make you stop? Who knows! maybe he thought he did!"

I sighed. "Harry, please. It would never work out though. You all live on a whole different continent and I was made to live my life this way. I deserve it."

"I doubt that's true," he said. "You know, his whole motto is 'live in the moment' and it's really not a bad idea. Why don't you just have fun with him while it lasts?" He winked at me.

"But," I stuttered. "He's going to leave eventually."

"Who says?"

"I say!"

"Then don't. Because this guy is crazy for you. I suggest you go into the other room and fix things. Alright?"

I was frustrated, but I was coming up from the low and nodded. "Under one condition."

He shrugged. "Shoot."

"Please don't tell him I was about to... you know..."

He pinched his index finger against his thumb and made a sweeping motion across his lips. "Conthida mah mouf feawed."

My guess was that in Harry language, that meant 'consider my mouth sealed.' I laughed and quickly looked away as he began changing. He sure did have a lot of confidence.

I pushed the door open a little and peered around the corner. Louis and Liam were talking in hushed voices now.

"And Saby," Harry added. I turned towards him and put my hand in front of my face to block my view of his lower half.

"I wont listen until you put some clothes on!"

He winked again and smiled. "I got your back."

I rolled my eyes and crept slowly down the hall, leaving Harry alone to change in the bathroom. Louis wasn't paying any attention to the Tv. He was in deep conversation, speaking in such a low tone that I had to get a lot closer for what he was saying to be audible.

"What am I going to do?" Louis asked him.

Liam cleared his throat and sighed. "I don't think you can do anything. I mean... she should be okay, right?"

"Yea but... I think I'm really in love with her. Call me crazy, but I am."

"What?" Louis shushed him and Liam said in a quieter voice, "wait... does she know yet? About that thing?"

There was a hesitation and I heard what was probably Liam's toothbrush hit the floor with a splat.

"You mean to tell me," he began, "that she has no idea that you're leaving in two days?!"

Another hesitation and a slow intake of air.

"Yes."