Dead Inside Book II

Chapter 1: The Want

*Warning-Mild Sexual Content*

I went into the bathroom and slam the door shut. I have been holding in all my tears since the incident happened. A fan has the audacity to kiss Nash on the lips. I could not look him in the eyes. I could not stay there much longer. I would blow the secret and Nash would hate me. I could not live with myself if he hated me.

I locked the door and cried my eyes out. Thank God Nash did not notice I left because he would be upset with me because I promise him I would not do it again. I take a blade of my razor and looked at my reflection. I still see some blood stains on it from my previous acts. I can not take it anymore, I am worthless, I am not good enough for Nash, of worst all I am dirt to him.

I draw a line across my wrist, feeling the pain turn into pleasure. I giggle at the wonderful feeling and make another line. One line turned into ten, ten turned into forty, and so on and so forth. I smile at my beautiful artwork, the only piece of work that I have control over. My life is a lie, my sexuality is locked away, and my husband is not even mine.

"Cameron, where are you?" I heard Nash asked.

I quickly clean up and put my sweatshirt back over me, putting my blade in my front pocket for safe keeping. I unlock the door and I walk downstairs to meet Nash. He was drenched in sweat and tears. He ran towards me and hugged me. He cried more, but I soothed him by rubbing his back.

"Cameron, I didn't mean it, she just came on to me," he said crying in my shoulder,"Please Cameron, I swear I--."

"Shh, it's okay, I know you did not mean it," I said looking into his sad grey eyes,"If you love someone you should never hurt them."

He smiles and kisses me passionately. I feel want and lust taking over, but I silence it because I did not deserve him. I am not worthy of him. I pull away even though I did not want to, but I had to. What if someone followed him home? I can not let him hate me. I want to make him tremble in pleasure. I want to hear a symphony of moaning. I want him to know that he is mine and nobody else's. Unfortunately, I can not show him dominance or I will be in trouble. I shook those thoughts out of my head when my angel was trying to notice him.

"Yes, what is it Nashy?" I asked sweetly.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked sitting on my lap.

How you are on thin ice because if you do not notice, I want you so badly. He wiggles his ass on my lap and I try my best to stay calm, in my head I am going utterly insane. I want him more than chocolate and pizza combine. I squeeze a pillow with one hand. He makes that same motion and I but down on the pillow.

"Cameron, we are alone, you do not have to pretend anymore," he said smiling,"Let that insane mind of yours run wild."

He wiggles his ass more and I bite down more on the pillow to keep in a moan. I can not let him see this insane, needy part of me. Once he is out, he will never leave. He steps off my lap and sits next to me. I feel his breath, smelling the aroma of mint and chocolate. He trails a line on my bicep which sends tingles through my spine.

"Cameron, please," he moans,"I need you."

My breath hitches when I see a bulge in his skinny jeans. I look away and fight the urge to attack him. I bite down on the pillow and tried to silence my demon that telling to do it already. He leans over and whispers more sexual acts in my ear. It was becoming harder and harder to resist. I want him so bad, but I can not risk it.

"C-Cameron, I c-can't," he whines,"P-Please."

He goes on my lap again and starts grinding on me. I see him in his most venerable state, so easy, so tempting, so delicious maybe just-- no he is tempting you. He grinds on me faster and he starts to moan, which is my weakness. I need to, I want to so badly. I see his bulge starting to grow larger.

"Please t-touch m-me, Cameron," he squeals,"I c-can't take i-it."

It was building up inside of me, the want. I feel like a volcano about to erupt. Just one touch, just one taste, just one time. No! He's baiting you seeing how long you could handle it. I need to leave, but it feels so good. He grinds faster if that was even possible. A moan slip out and I was instantly embarrassed.

"P-Please Nash, stop this before I--," I whimpered before he unzip my pants.

"Cameron, we are alone," he said palming my boxers,"Why are you so nervous?"

I slapped his hand away and I zipped my pants. I pushed him off of me and headed towards the door. I slam it shut and immediately started crying. Why am I so weak? Why am seduce so easily?

I'm such a peasant, not deserving the prince I have. I want him, but I am unworthy of him. I walk down the sidewalk, looking on my phone to take my mind off the previous acts before. I walk down the long winding path, where it seems like never ending, but nevertheless I found the end. It ended at the woods, I walk into it and I came across a treehouse, like the one Nash and my dad built for us.

Nash, you have no idea how much-- no stop thinking about that. Just keep walking, you do not deserve him, no matter how much you want him.