Dead Inside Book II

Chapter 2: Humanity Sucks

I look up at the treehouse, remembering all the adventures Nash and I had. We would be pirates, chefs, and astronauts all in the same day and even sometimes at the same time. I then see two little boys about eight climb up to their treehouse.

"Where do you want to go today, Jake?" One boy asked catching his breath.

"How about we be pirates today," Jake proclaimed to his friend,"Pirate Jake and Pirate Brayden sailing the seven seas in search for the treasure."

"Let's set sail!" Brayden yells.

I giggle at how much fun they are having, not having to worry about being someone they are not, but having fun playing pirates. Nash and I use to be like that, now we have to pretend to be straight to please your fans. When in actuality, we are as straight as rainbow in a shape of a circle.

I decided it was time to go home, back to reality, that I am not a child any longer. How I wish I was, when did life become so complicated? Come to think of it, why does it have to be? When you are a child, all you have to worry about is chocolate or vanilla when you go out for ice cream. Red or blue t-shirt to wear for school.

Then as soon as you go into middle school everything becomes a challenge. The question that you did think that were not important as a child are important now. Does he have more followers than me? Does this short make me look childish? Why does everyone hates me? Stupid questions that do not matter what so ever.

When you are famous, all eyes are on you. One mistake and your reputation goes down the toilet, you will never live it down. All your haters are going to remind you of that one act you did three years ago when you are drunk. You have to be absolutely flawless when in reality you are human and you are going to make mistakes. Which absolutely sucks.

Sometimes I think either I wish I was never famous or I was never human. I make so many mistakes in my past and to this day I am reminded of it. I have to be reminded that it is my fault that this girl I have not even met killed herself. I feel like I do not try hard enough to help this people be motivated, be joyful, and bring them back them back on the right path.

When I was a child, I did not have help 5.5 million people on my Twitter, 4 million people on my YouTube, and 8.1 million people on my Instagram. That is a lot of people to look after if you ask me. I am not God, He can look after 7.3 billion people in the world and I can barely look after myself. I just want to be a child again when life was easy.

I walk up to my porch and fished around for my key, but I left it in the house. I knock on the door, waiting for Nash to open it. He finally opens it and my heart broke when I looked at him. His eyes were grey and bloodshot. His cheeks were tear-stained and pink. His hands were shaking like a branch in the autumn wind.

"Nashy, why are you crying?" I asked taking both of his hands.

"Y-You a-are disgusted b-b-by m-me," he said starting to sob.

"No, no, baby I am not disgusted," I said pulling him in for a hug.

"W-Why d-did you run o-off?" He asked sniffling.

"I needed to think," I said truthfully.

I picked him up bridal style and brought him upstairs. I heard thunder go off in the background and I feel Nash dig his nails into my neck. We went into our room and I set Nash down. Thunder struck and Nash hid on the covers. I smile and I lift up the covers, going under with Nash. He was curled up in a ball, shaking. I pulled him close and put my arms around him, securing him in my grip.

He clanged onto me, wrapping himself around me. He put his head in my chest, his arms around my waist, and his leg in between my legs. It was good to feel his warmth again, to hold him forever is all I want to do for the rest of my life. He pulls me closer snuggling my head more into his chest whenever thunder went off. I rubbed his back as tears fell from his face and onto my sweatshirt. I look down at him and petted his hair. He snuggled more into me.

"Cameron, please do not leave me," he moaned rubbing his knee against my crotch.

My breath hitches and my head rolls back. My heart was beating out of my chest and he comes on top of me. He run his knee up and down my crotch faster making be oblivious to anything else. I bit my lip and pushed my head more into the pillow. He rubs faster and faster, making me hold in moans. I am tempted to just break free, but I can not.

"Cameron, p-please," he whined,"I-I can n-not take it."

He has no idea how much I want to. I want to attack him like my prey, but I am afraid of how sees. How they will reminded how gay I am and will ridicule him as well. He will leave me for sure, lie about his sexuality, and forget our friendship. I want to love him until the end of time, but he will hate me and I can not risk that.

Nash trails his hands down my biceps and which felt so amazing. I am throbbing, sweating, and flustered all at the same time. Unfortunately I am not worthy for my prince. Why? Because he is a perfect and I am a human.