Dead Inside Book II

Chapter 5: The Therapy

"Okay, Mr. Dallas, let us begin," he stated as he went behind his desk.

And this is the part where my life implodes into a million pieces.
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"So Cameron, why are you seeing me today?" He asked taking off his glasses.

I look down at my hands and I shrug. I do not want to pour my heart out. I am suppose to be the strong and dominate one in the relationship. I am not suppose to be in here to talk about my feelings, this is not going to help. While I was deep in thought, Mr. Rupp interrupted me by he snapping his fingers.

"C-Can I please l-leave?" I asked desperately.

"Cameron, I want you to feel as comfortable as possible with me," he said coming over to me,"Can I please ask you a few questions?"

"The way to make me comfortable with you is by letting me leave my office," I said standing up,"This whole psychology stuff is bullshit!"

"Cameron, just tell me why do you shut people out?" He asked stopping me.

"Because I can not trust anyone anymore!" I exclaimed close to tears.

I want to leave, I am going to burst into flames from keeping it in. I try to exit the room, but Mr. Rupp stopped me. I need to leave badly, I can not do this anymore. Just then the door swung open and hit me in the face. I feel back on the desk holding my nose. I saw Nash appear from the door and walked right in.

"I heard screaming what is going on?" He asked quickly,"Cameron, please cooperate, he is only trying to help."

"Help? Ha, nobody can help this hot mess," I said chucking,"He will never understand what it is like to have an insane brain."

"I may have not experienced you so called insane brain, but I have witnessed it," he said becoming quiet,"My uh.... boyfriend Jacob has recently passed away, he was so young as well, had so much to live for, and yet he ended it all because he though no one understood his insane mind."

I was stunned and so was Nash. Mr. Rupp faintly smiled and sat back down in his desk, Nash led me into the couch, and we sat down. Mr. Rupp looked up at us and started asking me questions which Nash made me answer. I was not comfortable in any way, shape, or form. I kept squeezing Nash's knee, wanting to go back home.

Finally, my hour and a half was up and I ran out of the room before he could say anything. I ran to the car and cried my eyes out. I just want to drive home, but I had to wait for Nash. So to past time, I put my headphones in and listen to the new song by Adele. I curled up in a ball and whimpering while listening to the song. Finally, Nash came in and sat down with great silence. I turned away from him and listen to my sad playlist. I look down at my wrist, seeing my beautiful artwork. I was yanking to slice my disgusting skin, seeing the blood pool out, and being closer to death.

We finally arrived home and I sprinted inside. So I ran up to my room into the bathroom. I searched and searched for my old friend, but I could not find him. I then heard Nash calling my name, but I did not listen. I heard someone clear their throat, but I turned around. Nash was holding all the razors, I then run downstairs to the kitchen, open the utensil drawer and all the knives were gone.

"You are not doing this to yourself anymore," he stated,"I am not going to stand there and watch you suffer."

"I need it, Nash, you have no idea what it felt to be venerable, lonely, and afraid," I said close to tears.

"I felt that when you were dating that slut," he said coming closer,"I will feel like that when you are being buried in a tomb."

He sank down into the ground and started to cry saying for me to live and to be joyful. I knelt down and hugged him tight. He dug his nails into my back like a little kitten. He wrapped his legs around my waist and snuggled his head in the crook of my neck. For the first time in forever, I did not feel cold. I actually feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I start pulling him closer and feel more of his warmth.

"Out of all the things I've ever held, the best by far is you," I whispered in his ear,"I wish we could stay like this forever."

"I just want to be in your arms for the rest of time, finally feeling warm again," he whispered back.

I hear his breath hitch and him biting his lip. I cradled him in my arms and gripped my shirt tightly. He hid his face in my shirt and my shirt immediately felt wet. I start massaging his head, hearing him whimper at my touch. I hear him yawn, becoming more relax.

"Cameron, I have to stay awake," he said yawning once more.

"Relax, you have to sleep," I whispered rubbing harder,"You do so much, now sleep."

His eyes flutter then close, going into his deep slumber. I look over at all the sharp objects that could ease of maybe end my suffering. I went to pick one up hearing my demon mocking me.

Just end it, he does not care about you. He only pities you.

That is not true.

Really, when was the last time he said I love you, Cameron.

I-I do not remember.

Exactly, he never loves you. If he did love you why would he hide your marriage from your friends.

I listen to him bombarded me it's his harsh words. I want to just do it, but I can not leave Nash. I am sorry Nash, but therapy is not going to help this insane mind.