Dead Inside Book II

Epilogue

I put my book, Dead Inside, down and sat back in my chair. This book was published anonymously so people were kind angry that they did not know the author. My book won many awards and millions of people loved it. Only it was just me telling my story. If anyone was confused here is the summary:

This book was all about me concurring my grief over Nash's death of suicide. Since grief had five stages I wanted to discuss the matter in my own way. The first fourteen chapters was me living in my past, isolating myself. The anniversary of when Nash left me, I went back to Houston to just end it all.

Only my suicide plans were ruined when Shawn saved me. That is why you hear him telling me to hold on because he was in the area and he saved me. Also when the man was telling me he has taken Nash, he was the Angel of Death. I denied the fact that he was gone, so I go on this huge quest to find him. Which is the first stage, denial and isolation.

The second stage, is anger, so I go into this room where all my demons are telling me that I am weak, I will never find him, etc. I took out my anger by hitting the box and Death with the crowbar. The third stage is bargaining, when I was fell in the hole, I begged and pleaded for the man to help me out of the hole. No matter how much I bargained with the man to help me out, so I could go "save" Nash. He would not budge

The fourth stage is depression, the way I describe my depression as being in the dark. I could not find the light out of the tunnel. Until Nash send me light from up above, the lighting bugs symbolizes Nash giving me back the hope of getting better. He would always tell me that stars can not shine without out darkness. For the first time, I actually felt like a star, that finally found its light, and that could shine as bright as the sun.

The fifth and finally stage, accepting the fact that he is gone. I still felt depressed that I could not of done anything to change the outcome. I was so frustrated that I did not do anything, I did not go back to see him, I did absolute nothing. I felt like I failed him. So Nash came back in spirit, telling me that it was his doing, that it was his choice. He gave me this strength to move on and quit living in the past.

I walked into the kitchen and put on something for me to eat. I then turn on the television and flip through the channels. I put a blanket on me and watch a boring cartoon. I started to fall asleep, exhausted from the emotional experience. I then heard someone speaking to me. I open my eyes and I saw my fourteen year old son, Garrett, came in the room.

"Hey, dad," Garret said putting his bag on the hook,"Where is dad?"

"I do not know, I was sitting here, the whole day," I said sleepily smiling.

"Here am I," a voice said,"Sorry I was stuck in traffic on the way out of the studio, but I brought some Chinese food home."

"Thanks dad," Garrett said hugging him.

Garrett took the baggage out his hands and walked into kitchen opening everything up. I stood up and hugged the man in the doorway. He snuggled into his head into neck. I pulled him closer, taking in more of his warmth. He looked at me and smiles, pecking my cheek. I trail my hands down his aides, which made his breath hitch.

"C-Cameron, not now," He said blushing.

"Okay, but maybe in a few minutes because Garrett is going to a sleepover," I whispered in his ear,"Which means your ass is mine."

He bit his lip and smiled. I let go and he put his arm around my waist. Garrett ate and packed up for the sleepover, he hugged both of us and walked out the door. Once Garrett I turned towards him and he looked very upset. We walked to our bedroom and he laid next to each other.

"Hey, what is wrong?" I asked looking over at his long face.

"I went to his grave today, that is why I took so long," he said tears brimming his face,"I wish he was not the one who was picking me up from the airport, why could it not of been me?!"

"Look at me," I said holding his face with both hands,"It was not your fault, it was just a way of God telling us it is time to leave, you just have to know that time goes on and time with heal your wounds, he would not want to see you upset."

"It still hurts, and it has been like sixteen years, since he died," he said putting a hand through his brown hair.

"It still hurts for me as well, but I will do anything in my power to make you be filled with joy," I promise,"Besides stars can not shine without a little darkness."

"Just like Nash always said," he said kissing my check,"I love you Cameron."

"I love you, Shawn," I said smiling.

I went in my office to grab my papers for my newest book when I saw that both Nash's and my book were gone. Homophobia, Nash's book has always been on my shelf. My book was on my desk. I was frantically looking around when I saw a piece of paper on my desk.

Hey Dad,

I left my phone in your office so when I came in I saw two books that caught my eye, Homophobia and Dead Inside. I finished reading Homophobia and it was really good. It had your name in it, do you know him? Then I started reading Dead Inside, your name and his name was in it as well. Was it written by the same person or what? I want to know everything when I come home.

Love,
Garrett Nash Dallas

"Well, Nash I guess he wants to know about you," I said looking out the window, seeing a firefly," I will talk about all the fun we had and cry because I miss you so much, I love you Nash."

I love you too.