Hidden Behind a Smile

Friends and Demons

I'm looking at the marks on my wrist. They're almost healed from a week or so ago. I know not to cut too deep because then they will heal quickly and without any scaring. I want to do cut so bad but i need to wait. I have to get a physical for sports soon and the last thing i need is the doctor going for my pulse and seeing what I've been doing. I shouldn't be doing it anyway but...

Then there's my legs. They're taking a little bit longer to heal. I've been having an interesting time hiding that while changing before gym class. Especially since i got a bit angry recently, and the result was me slicing the word "why" in my leg...

In my 14+ years of life, I've put up with a lot of crap. Even my birthday is a freaking joke. April 1st, aka April Fool's Day. Was I just some joke? Sometimes it seems that way. I've stopped having birthday parties, because no one takes them seriously. I mean, why would they? How can anyone resist when your birthday is pretty much national joke day. But that's okay. I'm not much of a social person anymore. When I'm all by my lonesome I don't get hurt. Usually.

There are good things in life too. I have my friends and my hobbies. Just like any other teenager I'm practically addicted to the internet. I'm always on Facebook and YouTube. Sometimes I'll read, or even write. I love writing, I'm just very picky on how I write. What I really love is video games. Classic games on the Nintendo, handhelds like the DS, gaming consoles, PC games, you name it! I live for video games, and I'm really good at them.

I'm a very good student in school. Many people hate high school but personally i like it. I run A's most of the time, but sometimes all slip up with a B+. I'm in some accelerated classes and I've got an overflowing schedule with extracurricular. I play 4 different instruments in 2 different bands at school. It's a lot of fun. And it distracts me from all the things that are dragging me down.

I love my friends. We may get irritated with each other sometimes but usually we don't hold a grudge. Except for one, Catherine. We've been together for years but lately we've been having problems and I'm not sure why. Most of the time when we're around each other there is a feeling of unease. We were closer than sisters once but now, not so much. I know people change but i don't see why that should matter. There's a big difference between simply growing apart and flat out cutting off. I guess i'll never know.

If there is one thing i know for sure, it's that most of my friends will always have my back. That's what i love about them. They will support me through everything, just as i will always support them. That's true friendship.

Besides Catherine and Michael, some of my closest friends are Lily, Lex, Jasmine, and Katt. A have a few other good friends too. I like my friends, but sometimes I wonder if they like me... I know I'm not always the easiest person to deal with. I just want to know how I seem to my friends is their eyes. Am I someone who's annoying and doesn't shut up? Am I someone who complains all the time? ...am I as good of a friend as I think I am..?

All I want to be is a good friend.