Hidden Behind a Smile

Triggers

Everyone has something that will set them off. It could be something small and simple, or it could be something that has a huge impact on the person. Some people are more sensitive than others. I'm a good example of that. I'm often told that I'm too sensitive and take things too seriously. I don't quite understand why that's such a bad thing. Or rather than calling me too sensitive, why don't you stop and consider that perhaps you're just too harsh?

It's the little things that will turn my mood to shit. An insult, having a complaint towards me, and asking - no, telling - me to do pointless tasks will put me in a bad mood. It doesn't help that with my age there are often hormonal variables.

There's so many different pressure points. Some things don't phase me much, and I'm just left feeling irritated. But there are other thing that just hit hard. I feel numb, worthless, empty, lost even. It's feeling like those that make me want to take a blade to my skin. It's kind of serves as a wake up call. It reminds me that it is real, and I can feel it because it's real.

Sometimes I feel like a bomb. A pressure bomb to be specific. All of this stress just piles on and on until someday the bomb inside me explodes. All the shrapnel will shoot out and hurt those around me. This may or may not cause a chain reaction, exploding other "bombs". 

I'm afraid that these thing will happen. Some triggers will need to be pulled. Others may go off automatically and accidentally. People will get hurt. I don't want that to happen. Unfortunately it's very difficult to diffuse these threats.