Hidden Behind a Smile

Dreams are their Own Reality

Almost every night I have some sort of dream. Even if I don't remember what happened I'm still aware that I had one. Usually I'll get a very brief and very sudden flashback on a section of a dream. It's rare for me to have a good or relaxing dream. Usually they're just weird. I'm not even sure what the meaning of those ones are. I have however deciphered a partial meaning on my nightmares. Sometimes it's my mind choosing a cruel method the cycle through some memories. Other times it's my mind telling me of something that is yet to come. Not necessarily a vision of the future, but I'll dream something that I have zero idea of what's going on. And sooner or later a similar situation will happen.

Some nights I don't dream at all. Even if I don't remember a dream I'll still usually be aware whether or not I had one. When I dream I usually feel tired throughout the whole day. If i don't then I might get lucky and actually feel refreshed. It's all so random.

I can almost never predict what I will dream about. I don't have enough good dreams to describe the events they consist of. My worst nightmares will normally be about my friends and/or family. The really weird dreams I have lie somewhere in the realm of confusing and disturbing. Anything can be in these dreams; real life people or sometimes there's even characters from movies or games. Also, anything can happen; death, sex, and a variety of other things.

The weirdest quality about my dreams is that I'm very well aware that it's not real, even though it feels extremely real. Every sense is alive; sight, taste, smell, touch, and hearing. There's one more that is often stimulated. Fear. I experience it all. Yet in the back of my mind I know it's not actually happening.

Doesn't mean it won't happen someday.

The difficult thing about dreams is it is very hard for me to wake up. You can't just do like in the movies and pinch yourself. It doesn't work like that. I've only ever suddenly woken up from a nightmare once. Once. If that wasn't enough, some of my dreams are very short but seem to have an instant replay. Dreams that do this will cycle again and again so I'm stuck in an endless repeating world of nonsense.

After what may be hours of my head on a roller coaster, it's finally time to wake up. Now we run into another roadblock. I'm a heavy sleeper and the fact that it's difficult to escape my dreams just adds to the the problem. Alarms don't help much because what tends to happen is they contribute noise to the dream. So my solution has a few different variables. First, don't have an alarm that blares like a siren. It's better for me to have music. Second, have 2 alarms. I can get away with one, but sometimes it doesn't go off or does that whole feeding into the dream bit. If I have 2, it improves my chances of waking up easier.

Dreams are so complicated, and sometimes scaring and/or disturbing for me. Some people find peace in sleep. I however am often worried to go to bed. I have enough problems in real life. My dreams do not help by adding even more realities to the mix.

No escape...