Hidden Behind a Smile

Fear

What is my greatest fear? I'm afraid of spiders, heights, bad weather, and a multitude of other things. But what am I truly afraid of? It's taken me a long time to figure it out, but I think I have an answer. It's losing the ones I care about. Not even death comes above this. Yes, death terrifies me. But it's inevitable. The best thing I can do about that is to try to ignore it.

But losing the people I care about. This gets to me in a way that makes me not want to talk about it. Be it by death or moving or whatever. I can't stand having to say goodbye forever. Catherine falls into this category. I've always been afraid that someday our current situation would happen.

Even in my dreams does this fear haunt me. In my worst nightmares the people I care about most, including my family and closest friends, died in some way. Usually they died in a very unpleasant way. The things I have seen can never be unseen.

But if there's one thing I've learned about fear it's that I should never let it hold me back. I've learned to face my fear and cherish the time I have with my loved ones. Life is full of tragedies, and sooner or later I will have to face them head on.

There are some people who believe that life is governed by fear. They believe that every decision you make is a product of your fears. I however disagree with this. Fear doesn't govern our lives, but it will influence certain aspects from time to time. Many fears are a product of instinct. They are there to protect us. Other fears aren't really instinct, but are understandable, such as mine.

Fear isn't limited to humans. Most forms of life that have some sort of complex thinking function have natural fears. Fear is a quality of life. Robots for example, are machines. They do what they are programmed to do with no fear. A cyborg however would probably have fear, because it is machine merged with life. That life will have fear unless it is removed. This would most likely be achieved by removing emotion. But isn't emotion what really makes us alive?

If you're going to be happy in life, one thing to remember is to not let you're fear(s) take control of you. If you can learn to look fear in the face and say "you can't get me" then you will be a stronger person. I have done this with many fears. But even though I can recover, the one thing that will always get to me...

...is saying goodbye.