Hidden Behind a Smile

What Purpose Does it Serve?

Lately I've been pondering one question: What's the point to cutting? It sounds like a simple question but if you really try to think about it, it's not so simple. But I do have an answer. It serves as a distraction.

A couple of my friends were already cutting before I started. I never understood why they did it until I did it myself. It's hard to put into words to explain. It does, temporarily, distract you. But at the same time it's also a reminder. A reminder of all the shit the made me want to feel the pain. Why would i want to have a constant reminder? Well, it's not that I want to. It's not like I can just forget it.

It can also serve as a form of self punishment. At least for me it does. When I know I've fucked up, the blades come out. Even if something isn't my fault, I feel like it is. Most of the time I'm the one who is to ignorant to know when I shouldn't do something.

Cutting can only provide these things for so long. Sooner or later it won't be good enough. What happens then? I can't even begin to think of an answer to this. So I guess I'll just wait and see.

Someday...