Hidden Behind a Smile

Do People Notice the Little Things?

I wonder if anyone notices the little things with me. I'm not making an effort for my actions to be noticed. No way. But gradually I'm not making big efforts on hiding it. Nothing super noticeable, but anyone who really knows me might get suspicious.

It's just small things. A slight change in my behavior. Wearing bracelets on my left hand. (Most people know that I'm very right handed.) Lately I've been putting my arm behind my back to hide my wrist. Now it's become a natural reflex.

Would people question some sharpie marks? What about some odd drawings, or the fact that I'm hiding some of my drawings? Maybe not. It's not an automatic red flag. Do people wonder why I was gone from school; when I wasn't sick at all the day before? It's possible to get sick in a day. And I'm good with coming up with excuses.

But above all, do people question as to how I can understand what they feel? How would I be able to know what the pain feels like, what cutting feels like, what it all feels like, if I had never experienced it?

And that's just it. Without my own personal experience, I wouldn't be able to know what others feel. I never understood cutting until I did it for myself. In the past, I have tried to offer support on subjects that I wasn't too familiar with. There was a limit to how I could help. But now I have my own experiences. Now I know how to give the appropriate support that is needed.

They may think that I don't know what it feels like to be in pain. To have self inflicted marks in my skin. To have the feeling of helplessness. But I do know what it feels like. I know a lot more than I should. I don't make it obvious but I do give some hints. Some signals that if decoded, the truth can be seen. They just need to know how to look.

They just need to look for the little things.