Ranterism

Advertisements

Am I cray cray for thinking to rant about advertisements?
I am cray cray, you are cray cray, we are all cray cray.
You may find this boring but I don't come here for entertainment, I come here to unleash my fury
Any whale's... where was I?

ADVERTISEMENTS

There was a time when I used to be a couch potato but now I don't like to watch television that much because MORE THAN THE ACTUALL SHOW ONLY ADDS ARE SHOW! Very few shows are actually good now. Before all this nonsense shows...I'll rant about tv shows later!

Oh my potato's I keep drifting from my rants *sighs*

Where was I?

*pregnant silence*

Oh yes! The show will be for only 5-10minutes and the rest of the time is consumed by looped advertisements :/

Like hell no! Did I pay for a channel to watch more of the adds than the actual show? Most of the adds are so weird and stupid I want to stab those people with teddy bears and launch my dangerous monstrous cotton candy Canon machine on them.

Let me sum up of a few of the adds that make me question so many thing's.

Toothpaste/handwashs
Idk if you have noticed but why is it that a person who advertise these products is always wearing a lab coat?
A person in a white lab coat comes with the product and smiles at the camera saying 'Our product is the number 1. Doctor's recommend it/ it kills 99.9% germs'

What about that tiny .1% germ?  You know how much dangerous that parasite is? That small percent is the most dangerous one because it manages to damage you.

When I was in school, I used to wear a white lab coat during science lab period's  so if I just pick up a random solution and tell you that it's a number one product and shit will you buy it from me?
WILL YOU?!

Oh and if you don't clean your toilet properly a random crew will burst open your door and shove a mike on your face while they talk about the number one toilet cleaner.

Why are the ladies in the society always having a competition on which detergent is the best by getting their clothes as dirty as possible? Why Why why????

Deos/perfumes/Mouth Fresheners
Ok so I'm a person who is single, no one wants to date me or kiss me so what do I do? I use the special perfume and suddenly everyone wants to date me!

The guy's who never looked in my direct want to kiss me like oh la la la let's do a tango mango honey *makes out with him in a corner with people walking by*
The Mouth fresher makes its entry on screen saying 'use me baby and your mouth will never be out of use'

Ok fine I'm exaggerating but you get my point? No ? Well phuck you then :|

Oh my gosh! It's getting stormy now do you know why? Well because I used that deo and now Angels are falling from heaven for me! I'm irresistible now baby. Muwah muwah.

*proceeds to do censored things with the model on screen*

Detergents/shampoo
I don't know about you but I find it horrifying when a juice brand claims to use preservatives and artificial flavouring for their products while these detergent companies are like 'we use real lemons and flowers'

So my clothes are getting washed with real stuffs while the liquid I consume is artificial? What the fuck is this?

I have like really frizzy wild hair; it's worse than bushes and twigs in a jungle so I have to keep using so many things to tame it but my eye's squint when these shampoo companies be like 'use it for just xx days then see the change in your hair'

Cue story play-
A chick has rough frizzy hair. People look a her like she is transparent. One fine day some hot babe comes out of nowhere and tells her about the oil/shampoo she uses and BAM!
wherever the chick goes, people will look right at her.
Her hair will now be rapunzel like and lustrous.

Shampoos have more fruits and other ingredients than a mixed fruit juice.
Strawberry, mango, blueberry, grapes, coconut, gooseberry, almonds, eggs, milk or whatever.

Sanitary pads
When I get my periods I sit in my room crying out while rolling around eating ice-creams because my stomach pains like shit.
While these babe's on advertisement be jumping around climbing mountains and cycling through Sahara even though a brutual strong is coming because you know what? Fuck periods! I'm using brand happy bleeding sanitary pads so I can conquer the world now!

I'm not going to sit at home and whine. I will use brand happy bleeding (I just made this name up so calm your tits if you fret about its existence) I shall now be able to run a marathon, I will cross the river Nile and I will not even know that blood is flowing out of my vagina because of brand happy bleeding.

During our adolescent phase me amd my friends, we tried hard to grow up physically but it was painful so you know what we did? Easy peasy. We drank milk with a special powder that claimed that it would help us to grow our bodies and brains but the only thing that grew was the products rate.  LOL

Don't get me started on the fairness cream and face wash.

Like hello? What are you trying to tell your audience? Instead of trying to make people feel beautiful companies be like
Fret not when we are here! You use our fairness cream/face wash then you will get an instant promotion at the place you work at plus you bag a hot dude also who you will marry and pop beautiful kids later on.

Your career will fly jack super high and you will look really beautiful the minute you start using their creams. Every problem will fall out because the cream is the solution!

For get about qualifications! You use brand 'Tube light' cream you get the god damn job of being a CEO'

*ting tong*

OMG! SOMEONE HAS COME HOME WHAT DO I DO? WHAT DO I DO?

What should I serve them? I don't know to cook.
What do I do? *bulb glows over my head*

I serve the whole family a very tasty aerated drink and they bless me for being a sweetheart.

*cue burps in the background*

Well who cares about all this rubbish of my rants on adds?!

Let's go and buy a packet of air *gasp* what do I see?
Free few pieces of chips inside!!!!

Yay atleast we got something. LOL!!

Until next time baby potatoes :*