Smoked Success

6.

Apparently, Tyler had eaten marshmallows by mistake and since he's allergic to those, you know the consequences. It's my third day now in New York and I still haven't told Christian about UCLA. However, I have met his roommate, and guess what, he's a tattoo artist. I have no idea how they met, but it's weird as fuck. It's actually nice because he's home at the morning but works at night, so we sort of talk. He told me he had done more than 25 tattoos on breasts, he's no longer shocked to see any anymore. His name's Earl, 29, originally from Tennessee. I think I'll have to tell Christian tonight, or else it wouldn't be fair for Earl to know and not him.

As I pretend to be preparing food, which I'm horrible at, I read more about UCLA. It's such a prominent university, I have no clue why I'd need to know more. But Los Angeles? That's going to be hard, the whole purpose of leaving London is to be closer to Chris. But apparently, all I had found is on the other side of the United States, ugh. I still have no clue how I'd go around in here, I cannot imagine myself driving on the right side of the road, I have always been on the left one. Guess I'll have to get used to it, because taxis are so much work and wasted money.

Wow wow wow, I'm already planning about Los Angeles while I still have no tenement, haven't told my boyfriend, haven't done an interview, haven't planned my flight. I should chill a little, but I know I won't. It's just really nice to finally have your dreams fulfilled, the fact that I've been waiting for an opportunity like this for so long and finally getting it makes me feel so happy and relieved. Someone believing in my potential of doing something.

"I'm home!" Christian shouts, seeming excited. "How's my baby?"

My heartbeat races at the moment, nervous.

"She's fine, what about my amazing boyfriend?" I keep the conversation going in the same style.

"He's sort of tired, you know?" He starts, getting closer to me. "After a long day at work."

"Oh really?" I raise my eyebrows, I know what this is leading to.

"Super tired." He nods, looking as serious as he can.

He starts getting closer and closer, making my heartbeats go faster and faster. He kisses my neck going vertically from downwards to upwards. Who am I kidding, we all know I want this. He touches my cheeks with his index finger, and then his lips decide to meet mine.

Later, while we're eating our typical pizza, I start the conversation about Los Angeles.

"Um, Christian?" I say, full of doubt. "Remember how I wanted to get into teaching in universities?"

"Yes?" He looks at me, biting a mouthful of pizza.

"Well," I avoid getting goosebumps, hoping he's not noticing my fear. "I got an interview into one, but-"

"That's great!" He smiles, forming cracklings in the corners of his eyes who were twinkling.

"It's UCLA." I state, looking away.

"The one in Los Angeles? Jessica what the actual fuck?" He says, seeming to be mad.

"Yes Christian, the one in Los Angeles. I know what you're going to say, the whole fucking purpose of my leaving is to get closer, but not everything is planned perfectly for us. I need this job, you know I'm not lucrative out of the blue." I explain, sad of his reaction.

"But I do not want you to leave me again." He defends himself.

"Can you stop being so selfish for once?" I snap, hoping he understands. I mean all he's been talking about is not being away of him. But for god's sake, I need this. "I'm not going to let your location determine where I work, clear?"

"Not clear to me. If I'm the one being selfish then why the fuck have I been supporting this education shit all along? For nothing?" He shouts, transforming this into a fight.

"Okay Christian, guess I'll have it alone from here." I stand up.

I go grab a packet of cigarettes and storm out, not giving the chance to Christian so he explains himself. I don't want to talk about this with him anymore, all I wanna do is smoke and talk to someone that gets me.

I knock on their door, hoping they open. My fingers are crossed and hoping they do.

"Jessica?" Hannah, exactly the person I wanted to talk to, says, surprised. "Everything okay?"

"Wanna smoke?" I ask her, showing her my cigarettes.

"Sure, get in." She says, looking confused.

We both start smoking, I noticed Hannah holds her cigarettes feminine way. They were held between the first and second knuckles of the index and middle fingers. Her hand is relaxed, bent backwards, and her palm facing up.

"I told Christian about UCLA." I start, blowing out smoke.

"And?" She raises her eyebrows, hoping for answer.

"We fought about it." I answer her, on the verge of crying. "He doesn't want me to leave him."

"But that's sort of selfish of him. He should've thought of you getting paid like a normal human being." She expresses her mind, completely honest. "You're not a fucking money machine for god's sake."

"That's what I told him, but apparently I'm the selfish one over here. He thinks supporting my whole love for education isn't being selfish. I mean, isn't that what happens in relationships? One supporting the other?" I tell her, checking my phone for notifications.

"My ex-fiance was one of the most supportive people I've ever dated. I don't know if that applies to your boyfriend or not." She shrugs, opening her phone as well. "Will you mind if I smoke weed?"

"What?" My jaw drops, since when does she even do these stuff.

I mean, I'm not against those who smoke weed or anything. I'm just shocked, you know, I never thought she'd be the type of people who do that stuff. Hannah was always the extreme one, like she was the first to smoke, the first to drink, the first to lose their virginity, but her smoking weed wouldn't have ever popped in my mind.

"Oh yeah I haven't told you," She starts, "I have tried it with this girl at work, and I've liked it. It's been two weeks."

Just how mom started it, with Ella, her coworker, before a show because mom was too stressed. Mom has been trying to stop, but whenever she'd meet her coworker she'd smoke. Which upset dad, but he couldn't really do anything about it, he has tried to talk to her about it hundreds of times. She'd never get convinced, because it's her life and she's doing what she wants.

Tyler doesn't know about that, he's been sort of out of the family since he's left to New York. I don't think he'd have noticed even if he'd been living in London with us. He always lived in his little cubicle, known as, his room. Always using social media, you know to contact his 'fans' or whatsoever.

"You wouldn't mind, right?" Hannah cuts the silence, looking as if she were dying to get that bong or whatever they call that thing.

"Go ahead." I roll my eyes.

She leaves as quick as she can and goes to the kitchen. I notice my phone buzzing, stupid sorry texts from Christian. Not now dude, not now. Instead of replying, I turn off my phone, not wanting anything to do with real life.

I just keep on smoking my cigarette till Hannah comes back, holding a bong and a small bag. She looks so pretty I swear, her blonde pixie cut hair going perfectly on her, her body being on point, and then there's me, the ugly friend. Whenever we'd walk, no one would notice me, they'd notice Hannah instead.

Flaws of being friends with a model.

"You know you can try if you want." She states, smoking whatever she held, whether it was cocaine or heroine. "It's not like you'd try anyway, but yeah. Perfect Jessica doesn't basically do something that isn't like her."

Why wouldn't I?