Smoked Success

38.

"What's wrong, mom?" I ask, rolling my eyes. She starts smoking, and I feel the urge of picking up a cigarette.

"You still smoke?" She seems confused. "Didn't you say you quit like six months ago or something?"

"I couldn't stop myself." I shrug, lighting the cigarette. "Now are you okay?"

"How stupid do you think I am?" She snaps, okay what's up? This is so weird.

"What on earth do you mean?" I blow out smoke.

"I might be old, but I sure as hell have a good visional memory. This dude is your student in university." She lashes out. "And that piece of shit, he has the audacity to lie to me about his job too? I don't like him."

"He didn't lie. He has this job and sometimes misses class for it. As for him being my student, that might be wrong on some scales, but I treat him the same fucking way ever since we started dating. And about you not liking him, it's not like I give a shit, I didn't want to come anyway, he encouraged me to do it."

"You don't get it do you? That fucktard doesn't love you, he just wants to get better grades." She clarifies her point of view.

"Mom, do not ever call him names, not. in. my. presence." I snap, very mad.

"Look, I'm not saying I was the super angel at your age, but I sure as fuck wasn't dating a workmate for the second time." She blows smoke.

"But let me tell you what you did instead, you threw me to your fucktard of a husband, and you let him abuse me." I tear into her. "Now this is over, and we're not going to talk about this again. Good day mom."

It's early in the morning , and I've wanted to do this for so long now. I wear black pants with a black shirt. I put my feet in black heeled boots and put my hair in a ponytail. I'm really glad Andrew didn't notice I left the bed. I quickly add around my neck this necklace that has the cross sideways as a pendant.

I'm heading to Saint Joseph's churchyard. It's not like I'm going to bury myself right now, or there's a funeral, it's just that I've made it a habit of talking with Kristen's, Grandma's and Christina's tombstones. I might sound crazy, but it does relieve me. It feels like they're alive and all. I'm sort of worried about driving on the left side, but I'll do it anyway, it's my car after all and my life.

Here I am, in front of Grandma's tombstone, since it comes first, born in nineteen-fifty-four and dead about twenty years ago. I'm really glad I didn't wear any makeup because my face after crying would be so horrible with smeared makeup on it. I put one of the roses I got earlier from the florist on her grave. I motion the cross with my hands and take a deep breath.

"Hey, Grandma, it's been a long time, I know, but it's because like I told you about eighteen months ago, I was in the United States. I got a job in one of those big universities, and I'm really satisfied with it. I broke up with Christian, too. Apparently, he's been cheating on me. Also, Angelina moved in with me instead of her father." I take a deep breath and continue. "Oh, Mom and Dad got engaged, it's weird but they're a little cute if I'm going to be honest. Oh, and I'm dating this guy, he's great, helpful, kind-hearted, sassy and his name's Andrew." I take a sip of the bottle of water I've got in my hand.

I'm heading to Kristen and Christina's tombstones, they're a little far, because of their family names. Grandma has hers as Jefferson since she got married again after her husband, who's grandpa's brother, died. Whilst Christina and Kristen are as Styles.

"Kristen and Christina, oh my god, it's been so long and we've got so much to talk about." I take a deep breath, I talked to grandma for an hour, and I think I'll take double the time in here.