Smoked Success

7.

It's been a week since I haven't talked to Christian, instead I've been smoking weed with Hannah. I think I'll stop, because I'll hopefully be a teacher soon, and I don't want that to affect me. It's enough I do the normal type of smoking. I'm supposed to be interviewed by the university today, they said it's the perfect day for them, so I basically agreed. I'm sort of stressing, but no one is home, and Hannah let me do it on her laptop, which I'm grateful for. I start getting dressed since it's a video call. I wear a red long sleeved v-neck dress that's knee length and black high heels that I've borrowed from Hannah. They're sort of tight but that's all I can find, and I don't want to go home. 

Okay, it's time. Breathe in and out Jessica, in and out, in and out, you can do this. You're going to ace this interview and leave them stunned by you and your potential.

I got the job, I cannot be happier. I'm lying, I miss Christian so bad, I want to share this with him, but I, I don't know. Was I mistaken for calling him selfish? I mean, I wanted to do this for us, but, ugh I don't know anymore. I'm currently out with Hannah and Oscar, to celebrate me getting a job. But I don't feel the same without Christian, the person who calls me mon amour. Ugh, I guess I'll go home eventually. 

"Guys, guys, I feel tired, I wanna go home." I say, capturing their attention while blowing out smoke. 

"Did he apologize?" Oscar asks, looking at me. 

"No but-" I start. 

"No buts, the dude makes a mistake he fixes it." Hannah snaps, showing me how something insane's going on. She always used simple schemes when I see stuff as complicated as a labyrinth. 

"Do you think I'm inane?" I ask, rolling my eyes. "I wanna pick up my stuff, since I'm leaving in 8 days." 

About tenement, mom said she's called her old roommates or something like that, and apparently, their daughters share an apartment together and I will probably live with them. I hope they have a good living because this is all I can afford for god's sake.

"First of all, what the fuck is inane? Second of all, what kind of dumb person do you think I am, you'll go pretending you're pissed as fuck and then go have sex, am I right or am I right?" Hannah says, taking a sip of her beer. "I know how vulnerable you are, and you don't owe him shit okay?" 

"Inane, showing lack of intelligence." I explain. "And I'm not that horrible." 

"You fucking are." Oscar states. "Do you see how you're helping a family that you're supposed to have nothing to do with?" He meant Angelina, for god's sake, I do have something to do with them, they're part of me, that I can never dismiss. 

"I need to pack." I tell them, ignoring Oscar's comment, which is sort of hurtful. 

I do, but I also do need another excuse to go see him. I don't know how I'll do this in Los Angeles. 

"Fine, I'll come with you." Hannah says, standing up. "It's either I'm with you or no packing." 

"Fuck me." I whisper, taking a tequila shot. "Can you even drive?"

I bet she wouldn't care, she'd drive even if she'd get arrested for years, she'd pay a fine and that's it. 

"Ever heard of this thing we call taxi?" She laughs, oh she's drunk as fuck. 

"Can both of you shut the fuck up and sit down? Do this tomorrow, today we've got to celebrate Jessica!" Oscar shouts. "We should have fun." 

I don't want to think about this no more. I'll just drink away my thoughts, and here am I doing so, drinking shots and shaking my head. I know I'll probably regret this later, but I'll just do it because I feel like it. 

Oh my god what the fuck happened yesterday?! All I have basically done is drink, why does the house seem as if there were a hurricane? I find myself in yesterday's dress, but it horribly smells like tobacco. My head hurts so fucking bad, I haven't had a hangover for so long now. I get up and look for Hannah, of course I won't find her because she's probably on the other side of the world. 

"Jessica? Are you awake?" I hear a voice shouting. "What the fuck happened in my house?" 

Oh that's hungover Hannah. 

"No fucking idea, I shall not ask." I answer her. "I'll help cleaning." 

This is going to take hours I promise, this is a complete and total mess. But hey, if I can teach in one of the world's prominent universities, I can definitely do this, right? I hope so. I mean cleaning I've done before,  but teaching in universities, that's new. 

I mean students in universities are usually more mature, right? Or do they not care because they're done with high school? I'll know in 3 weeks, I'm super excited for this. I am literally cleaning as fast as possible, I wanna get my clothes for god's sake. Hannah's clothes are nice, it's just that she's two sizes smaller than me, making fitting in them very hard. 

I'm glad we're finally done, I'm utterly tired but I have to do this and face Christian. I just, I don't know what the worth of this is anymore. It feels like I should've taken mom's words in consideration, you know, when she asked me if I thought Christian's the one. Maybe he isn't? I'll get a migraine thinking about this. 

"I'm going to Christian's." I declare, turning on my phone. 

Hannah doesn't reply, she's given up on me. She keeps on thinking I'm too vulnerable. It's not like she's wrong actually, it's just that I love him too much to let him go. Christian's one of those good people, he's my first boyfriend after Luke. I remember how everyone in high school used to want to date me but I'd refuse, fearing that what has happened with Luke might happen again. Because having a boyfriend that chases you is super cool you know. 

I get out, because I know Hannah cannot force me anymore. I don't want to directly take a taxi, instead, I walk. I wanna keep on walking till I sort of clear my head from this. I take a cigarette out and light it with my finally bought lighter. As I told you, I hold it casual way, my palm facing myself. As I blow out smoke for the first time, I hear my phone ringing. I don't want to get my phone out of my purse, I don't want to see his name flashing on my phone's screen. 

I just miss how it was on tour. Christian and I being the youngest and always the active romance during it. I remember how mom was so against it, she was afraid I'd get hurt. And now I sort of get her point of getting hurt by the persons you knew the most. It does make you think of how anyone would want to do that to their loved ones. 

I mean, support is one of the biggest part of a relationship, isn't it? I think it's one of the most essential parts. If you don't support your loved ones, who'd you support? 

My phone isn't going to stop, is it? Ugh, I'm so sick of this, I shouldn't have turned it on from the first place. I'm so dumb I swear. I take it out of my purse and look at the caller identity. Oh fuck no, this caller might be even worse than Chris.