Smoked Success

20.

I get out of the room, expecting some man preparing breakfast or something like in a cliche movie. If there were a man, I'd probably be naked, no? Apparently, there's no man, there's a woman, but she's watching TV. She seems familiar, but I've got no idea where I've seen her. 

"Glad you woke up, your phone's blowing up with calls." She says, sarcastic. Isn't that the bartender, in the bar, yesterday? Man, the glimpses I have of yesterday are so tiny I'm so confused.

"May I ask who are you? And what am I doing in here?" I ask her, seeming very lost. 

"I'm Lorraine, the bartender at this bar you were at yesterday," she starts, seeming very serious. I knew she was familiar! "This dude you were with left you in the street alone yesterday, and I felt very bad for you, so I decided to help." 

"Why thank you so much!" I hug her. I'm so thankful she didn't keep me in the street. I do not remember any man though. I then notice a tattoo on the side my right middle finger, of my zodiac sign, Virgo. When did that happen? I have gotten so drunk yesterday, fuck. This is probably the drunkest I ever got. 

"Enough hugging," she pulls out, with a very serious face, "I think you have somewhere to be?" Shit, I completely forgot about the whole Tyler incident yesterday. I should really go home, even thought it'll be so depressing. I should be here for Ty. 

"Yeah, guess I'll leave." I stand up, ready to leave. "But first, where's my phone?" She smiles and hands it to me off the coffee table. I'm so blind sometimes. "Thank you so much again." I look in my pockets, hoping I have enough money to go home by subway at least. Broke as fuck, great. Now I have to call someone to pick me up, why dear god, why? 

"I can drive you if you want." Lorraine offers, cutting off my thoughts. "I'm going out anyway, you know, to go to the bar." She's so sad that kills me. The bar's close to my house, that's good enough for me. I nod and smile at her. 

"Drive me to the bar and I'll walk the rest." I assure her, glancing at my phone. Andrew's texted me of how he's excited to know what's in his box, Tyler and Mom sending worry texts, Dad's called me twice, Hannah thrice, Oscar's replied to my text, and fuck, Smith texted me like five texts. I should never tell anyone about my tryst with whoever that dude was. I really hope I don't know him from before. 

"Thank you again." I smile at Lorraine right when the car stops. I'm so thankful good people like her still exist. 

"Your dimples are really nice by the way." She states, cupping my cheeks. "And your eyes, only 2% of the world has them." Is she flirting? I'm pretty sure she's realized I'm straight, right? 

"Everyone's unique." I look her in the eyes, hiding my confusion. She gets closer, and I try my best not to sound scared, more of confused. She gets closer again, but this time, our lips touch. She kisses me, cupping my head, ignoring the angry music coming out of her car's radio. I'm blank, not knowing what to do. This is the first time I ever kiss a person who's of my gender, there's no huge difference, except the taste of lipstick. But I can't do this, not again, Smith doesn't deserve this. I pull out and she stares at me. "I'm sorry, I'm going out with someone." 

"Yeah sure, that's why you were having tequila shots with another dude last night." She rolls her eyes, mad. She tries not to touch me as she opens my door. "Goodbye Lacey." I get out, guilt running all around my body. I walk towards grandpa's house, and I start thinking.

Lacey? Since when is that my name? Oh wait, now I sort of fathom what's going on. I remember lying to this guy about my name, when he came out of the blue and ordered for me. Oh my, and when we decided that the bar got so boring after having danced to every stupid song this bar played. Guess where we went? To the tattoo parlor, which is right in front of me. Why'd I choose my zodiac sign out of all things to ink on my finger, I'm so stupid. I wonder what he tattooed, or was it just me. I notice I'm at the front door, I inhale deeply and click on the doorbell. Mom opens, and she hugs me, very tight. 

"Will die of suffocation." I say quickly, hoping she lets go. 

"Where did you go yesterday?" She asks, worried. You can notice how little she slept last night, her dark eye bags. 

"A friend's house." I lie. They do not need to know I'm hungover or that I've been to the closest bar to them. I had no friends at Washington, but I can lie and say one of the friends I made in Los Angeles, she won't suspect anything, why do I feel like  a teenager. 

"Are you taking this well?" She questions, patting my right shoulder. "Look, I know you're upset, and that you drank yesterday, you smell like liquor, but he's going to be fine, I really hope so." I wish I can believe that mom, but that's what you said about Christina, twenty years ago. 

"I'm going to be fine." I assure her, faking a smile. "Now, if you excuse me, I have a daughter to check on, a shower to get in to and food to eat." 

"Angelina's out with grandpa and Tyler." Mom says, seeming nervous. 

"Why the fuck didn't you ask me?" I glare, Angelina's my daughter. Yes, I'm being territorial, because when I wasn't, Angelina got hurt. 

"Excuse me? You weren't answering." She snaps, leaving the room. I'm so angry, I want a drink for god's sake. I will never fathom Smith's hate for alcohol, he cannot stand it. He doesn't even drink wine, or beer, how does he call himself American?  

This evening, our family's having this get-together party, in my grandpa's house. Can I just shoot myself? I'm already half-drunk, I had some wine before I got dressed, and I might've drank a lot. I'm in a purple sheath dress, plain purple. I decided to go with black heels, since they've been my thing lately, and basically lipstick and foundation for makeup. My hair's in a ponytail because I'm just having a bad hair day. I don't want to talk with my so called 'family', I'll just keep Angelina with mom or something and I'll just sit here and drink some more, this time, Champagne.

I look so desperate I know, but it's what'll help me forget about the issues I have. More of, I just like drinking. I have never been really a drunk before, just smoking, and everyone was affected by that. So why not do something that probably doesn't affect anyone but me. Smoking was one of the reasons Christian probably kept on cheating on me, one of the reasons I had to communicate less with my asthmatic father and brother, one of the reasons Hannah got me into drugs, maybe drinking is better.

 I glance at my phone, a text from Andrew, saying he needs advice. Why from me? The most cynical person ever, or the most naive one. I reply saying I'd love to help and go to my camera roll. I had pictures with Smith, lots of them, and the more I look at them, the deeper the guilt stings in my heart. I shouldn't have done what I did yesterday. Thank god Andrew texts me, cutting off my thoughts, he doesn't know what to get Rebecca. Easy, cute purse. Women are so easy when it comes to gifts, clothes, shoes, purses, makeup, and the list goes on. He sends me a picture, and it apparently is a selfie of him holding a Gucci purse, the caption said 'cute enough?'. I shake my head and laugh as I sip Champagne. I reply with a yes and lock my phone. I glance up and this dude narrows his eyes and gets closer to me, he even sits next to me. 

"Excuse me, do I know you?" I ask, filling my cup, again. I mean no stranger goes and sits randomly next to a girl, unless they're flirting. Which absolutely is not the case right now, I do not want to hurt Smith more than this.