Come On, Make It Easy // P.S.

Chapter Ten: Your Twisted Mind Is Like Snow On The Road

||Allie's POV - 3 Weeks Later||

I didn't really know where I would end up after my attempt. I always thought I wouldn't survive it and, therefore, wouldn't have to worry about the after effects. I made up a name for it. I call it the "after shock". Let me define it: basically it is the long period of time after one's suicide attempt where everything/everyone is distancing themselves or not acting normally. They walk on eggshells around you because they think it will keep you sane when, in all actuality, all it seems to do is drive you up the wall. So, hell basically.

Before the attempt, I was just stuck in a repetitive cycle of self-loathing and hatred for nobody but myself. Never moving forward. Never changing. Until now, that is.

Despite the whole ideal, some things improved, I had a few really good days with the boys. They were still working on their album, which they decided to title "Save Rock and Roll" (with a little help from me, of course). I didn't have many nightmares, but whenever I did, one of the boys would be there to help. Joe was especially kind to me throughout those moments. After all, he was my best friend, and despite the fact that he tried to hide it, I knew he had nightmares too.

I used to think I was alone. Especially during my attempt. Since then, everyone has been very patient and understanding. Well, everyone except Patrick, which I guess you could say was the major downfall. I wasn't allowed to sleep in his room anymore, seeing as he kicked me out. Which, of course, stung like a bitch considering I was still falling for him. Joe took me in after he won a coin toss between him and Andy, which made me laugh. But the whole thing with Patrick was so weird.

Why did he feel the need to leave me high and dry all of a sudden? He had managed to distance himself during all of the "after shock".

I couldn't blame him though; who would want to stay with the broken girl?

That doesn't mean I wasn't EXTREMELY frustrated with Patrick. He would go out of his way to avoid me, and pretend I wasn't there. He would talk to everyone but me, and if I tried to mend the gap between us he would rip it even wider.

Another downfall was the day Pete told mom and dad about what Daren had done to me, and what I had tried to do myself. I isolated myself in Patrick's room throughout the duration of the phone call, but even through the wooden door, I could hear Pete's choked cries about how it was his fault.

Total bullshit, if you ask me. But every time I said it wasn't Pete's fault, he would keep on believing that he was to blame.

I love him desperately, and he is my favourite family member; but he is a total moron.

------

||Patrick's POV||

Allie.

I woke up with her name laced on my tongue, her beautiful smile captured like a Polaroid every time I closed my eyes, and I could feel her in everything I did. If I was playing my guitar, then I was playing it for her. If I was thinking, it was about her. If I was listening to music, I would be listening to her favorite band.

My life revolved around her. It felt like someone had taken a sharp white hot needle and carved her name into the left side of my brain.

And yet, I was an idiot and shut her out.

Every time I slept, if I got any sleep, I saw her sobbing on that fucking bathroom floor, pills thrown about the room.