Come On, Make It Easy // P.S.

Chapter Twelve: There's A Kick Drum Beating In My Chest Again

||Allie's POV - 4 Months Later||

I woke up to the sound of rain and an empty bed, and my back arched as I reached for Patrick but was met with a piece of paper in his place, making me groan in sleepy annoyance. I scrunched up my nose and gently pried open one of my tired eyes to read the note, squinting in the subtle sunlight peeking through the curtains:

Mi Amor,
I am so sorry I couldn't kiss you goodbye this morning, but you looked so peaceful.
Honestly, I was (more than) half-tempted just to say screw it and stay in bed with you because goddamn, Allie, you are the most gorgeous human being I've ever seen in my entire life, and I could spent forever just watching you.
Man, I hope that didn't come off as creepy.
Text me when you fully open those beautiful eyes.
I can't wait to see you.
I love you.
-Trick

I sighed and bit my lip, missing his presence immediately after it had gone.

These past four months had been hectic. The boys were on the last few details of their comeback album "Save Rock and Roll". Meaning that they all had been at the studio more than the apartment, leaving me alone some days and tugging me along with them others.

Patrick's schedule always contradicted mine, unfortunately, seeing as I was still busy with my online school and I had just started a really lovely job at a local bookstore downtown, we never really got to see each other.

Not only that, but Pete had stuck to his word after my suicide attempt. He found me a therapist in the area and I had been going to her every week. She was kind of nice, I guess. As nice as a therapist can be. Her name was Susan.

Most of the time we never talked about me, and if she tried to divert the conversation to me then I'd just try to find a way to bring it back to her life. I didn't want to talk about whatever demons she wanted me to "let loose" from my mind. She had tried every tactic from pills to pleading, but after awhile she just gave up trying to force me to open up. I would get there eventually, is what she most likely figured.

I was forced to take pills for a good three weeks, Pete practically had to tackle me and sit on my stomach in order for him to get his hand down my throat with the medication.

I remember him pleading desperately once, his voice cracking, "THEY ARE GOING TO HELP YOU, ALLIE CAN'T YOU JUST TAKE THE GODDAMN MEDICINE?!"

To which I responded with, "IT'S ALL POISON! THEY CAN'T CHANGE WHO I AM! THEY WON'T! I WILL NOT LET THEM CHANGE ME FOR THE SAKE OF "MAKING ME BETTER"! THE PILLS TURN YOU INTO A ZOMBIE WITH EMOTIONS THAT ARE NOT EVEN YOURS, I CANNOT BECOME ONE OF THEM, PETE! AND YOU KNOW IT!"

At that moment, everything had been silent. I had forgotten about the weight of my brother sitting on my chest and I had forgotten that I had tears tracking down my cheeks.

I wanted the pain gone, but I didn't want to be emotionless.

That was the last time Pete tried to give me my pills. After that, he let Patrick take over.

Why?

Because he knew I was right.

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Even though I barely saw any of the boys now, I was sure after the album was released and the hype from the press died down then maybe 'Trick and I would get to spend time together but then in a few weeks after that he would be getting on a plane to go on tour for the album with my brother and the band.