Lost In Translation & Out Of The Woods (Sequel)

passing cars and thoughts

November 3rd

10:32pm

"You still love him don't you?"

Through steamed car windows I watched the bright lights go past at high speed, you could almost feel the cold autumn air making its way to sting you. Tiredness began to overwhelm me alongside the motion sickness which also decided to make a visit. The conversation which was taking place I wasn't fully listening to, but I made a point of turning away from the passing sights to face my father and pay at least a little respect.

"Who?" Cracking slightly, my voice readjusted after the silence the whole of the car journey had consisted of so far. It wasn't that I was in a mood and this was my payback, to ignore him but I just felt I had nothing to say.

Byron just shook his head, eyes still focused on the road, even if he wasn't driving at the moment, he probably still wouldn't make eye contact with me, like he hasn't for the past years because of my acting out. It was plainly obvious that he was not bothered nor did not care about my love life, he's made a point of showing that many times recently. All he believed in was that I should get a good education and the most out of my life that I possibly could, he said this and would completely contradict himself. Making a point out of saying 'live life to the fullest' is awfully hard when you're treated like a child.

"Ezra." I'm surprised there wasn't a shiver down the mans spine nor grinding of teeth as he spoke the name. Taking his watch from off the road for a mere few seconds he looked at me, the seriousness of the present conversation was quickly rising and I tried to think of a way to get out of this situation that he had forced me into. It wasn't that I was in the wrong, it was that I didn't want to list the reasons of why I was not in the wrong at this time of night. Even though the topic of Ezra I wanted to push off the table, I still did want to know why this was such a topic that had arose. Was he ok? Had something happened? Was he seeing somebody new? All of these of course I cared about but then obviously would deny this.

"I'd rather not talk about this... Not now." I confessed. This was not the answer he had wanted and it was hardly surprising. If you pick up a book you want to know what's inside, you don't just want to skim over the cover.

"No Aria," He began and it was then I knew this was going to be a much longer journey. "I'm not having this anymore. I know you're a teenager and I know you have secrets-" Well that sure is true. "But I'm your father and if something is...If someone is bothering you then I need to know so I can fix it. I don't want you being distant from us anymore. Even your mother thinks so too."

Ezra was writing a book about me and my friends dad, he wanted to know about Alison. He's been using me ever since he met me and you were right. You were right all along, that's all you care about isn't it? He made a fool of me yet I still want to see him more than ever, I want to believe that he meant what he said. That he did fall in love with me and not everything was built off a lie, I want to believe him but I cant even believe myself anymore. He has ruined me and everything we have ever had but I need to hear his voice, I need to drink coffee with him and talk about what colour shirt matches best for which occasion. I want to hate him but I just cant.

"We're just having some time apart." Was all I managed to get out. Saying the truth was only going to make things much worse and if I did retell it all there was no chance in hell I would ever see Ezra again. Right now I don't know what I feel, it almost just feels like emptiness. Even though he has apologised so many times, even though I have began to believe what he's said I can't just fall back to where we came from.

"Even if I don't 'approve' of Ezra, I do want you to be happy. A lot has happened in the past few months, in the past few years even and if you're not seeing Ezra just because of me..." It's not surprising this was all just a set up to get rid of some guilt he'd gathered up since me and Ezra had met yet I wasn't angry, I even laughed. We've gone full circle and ended up with my parents putting the trust into Ezra yet I'm here and have no idea who he is anymore.

"Well I'm glad I have your blessing." Sarcasm flowed out of my lips, sitting back in my seat I took my previous position watching everything go past so quickly which matched with the thoughts spinning rapidly round my mind.

Mine and Ezra's relationship was like an onscreen romance and maybe we could try and retrieve that happily ever after that we had been so desperate to find. Being with other people would not fulfil the massive gap he had left in me, no matter how hard I try my mind will eventually take me back to the place where I am with him, without all the bad that stemmed out of it. I understand that with good there is always bad but I didn't understand about how much bad there would be to this. I try to steer my mind away from these thoughts that I had tried so hard to lockdown for a long time now but I can't. I want to see if it's still there. Our happy ending.

"Can you drop me off at Ezra's please."