Love Until It Hurts (Monteverde Series 4)

25

Chapter Twenty Five

Zade Andrei

            The wind was cold, harsh and unforgiving. I felt the very same. The only difference is that the wind is free to go wherever it wants while I wasn't. My heart wanted to stay miserable, to stay trapped and jailed by my own past.

            I built a prison made of misery and heartaches. And now I can't get off it. I can't break free. I'm not even sure I want to break free, because inside this prison, no one can harm me. Just my own thoughts, just my own shadow.

            My heart is coated with so much sadness and cruelty that I couldn't even recognize a fraction of what I've become. I am a stranger in my own body. Everything around me revolves around something. Everything and everyone is moving toward a certain force. But I'm the only one who can't move forward.

            I can't even make a series of slow steps.

            I am paralyzed -- completely immobile.

            I cannot move forward because I keep on looking back to what I've lost. God knows that all I want to do now is to relive the past, even though it hurts to reminisce.

            "She's not coming back, you know, sabi ng kapatid kong si Daze na nakawedding gown pa. Hindi ako sumagot. Nanatili lang akong tahimik na nakaupo. The noisy throbbing in my heart is once again present.

            Isinandal niya ang ulo niya sa balikat ko. "Kuya, I know it's hard but—"

            "You don't," agap ko agad na napapakuyom pa ang kamao.

            "When will you --"

            "Stop right there and don't give me that shitty line about forgetting her. You don't know how hard it is. No one knows how hard it is for me. No one can understand this pain because no one loved her the way I did, the way I do."

            Humugot siya ng isang malalim na buntong-hininga bago umupo sa tabi ko. Tradisyunal na puti ang wedding gown niya at nakita kong nadumihan na ito sa sahig pero parang hindi niya naman ito ipinag-alala.

            "I'm sorry. I really am. Hindi ka naman namin iiwan, Kuya. Nandito kaming lahat para sa'yo," she mumbled softly. "We are a family and families help each other out. They don't give up on one member even when the going gets tough, because they are a team. We are a team and nobody in this family will give up on you."

            It would've been enough to tone down the pain coating my entire self. It could've been enough. It should've been enough. But it wasn't.

            "Ano bang ginagawa mo rito? Hindi mo na ako dapat sinundan. Dapat nandoon ka sa reception niyo ni Ian. You shouldn't be here, Daze."

            "I wanted to make sure you're okay. Ian and I will be together for the rest of our lives at alam kong naiintindihan niya ako kung bakit nandito ako ngayon."

            "You're supposed to be out there celebrating."

            She looked at me with pity, the look that I have been seeing from their faces for quite some time now. The look that I don't want to ever see again.

            "You're my brother and I remember how you agreed to help me out on my stupid plan six years ago. Ikaw 'yung tumulong sa akin na tumakas kay Dad. We don't always get along, but I know that you... you do your best to look after me. I just want to return the favor, Kuya. Just tell me what you want me to do." She made her tone light, but it did not lift the somber mood.