Love Until It Hurts (Monteverde Series 4)

26

Chapter Twenty Six

            "Good Lord! What have you done to yourself?"

            Nagising ako agad dahil sa boses na iyon. Nakatulog pala ako habang nakaupo sa isang sulok ng mausoleum. Pagtingin ko sa labas ay nagdidilim na.

            My mouth was so dry and I don't know what to say. I always don't know what to say. Wala akong ideya kung paano pa makiharap sa ibang tao. Alam kong naaawa sila sa akin pero ayaw ko ng awa. Their pity won't bring Sam back to life.

            "Zade — "

            Huminga ako ng malalim bago nagbigay ng isang praktisadong ngiti. "I'm okay, Mom."

            She looked horrified while she stared at my upper body.

            Ngayon niya lang ito nakita. Nobody knows about my tattoos except for me and my friends September, Lyric and Ashford. Itinago ko ito sa pamilya ko. But it seems like secrets really can't be kept hidden forever.

            "Kailan pa ang mga 'yan, Zade Andrei?" Matigas ang tono niya. Tumayo ako at isinuot ang polo kong ibinato ko kanina sa isang tabi. "Your entire body is filled with tattoos!"

            "A few months ago."

            "Why?" She demanded. I didn't want to give her the benefit of having a satisfied curiosity so I ignored her one-word question.

            "Tinatanong kita Zade!" Nagtaas siya ng boses. She rarely raises her voice at us, but maybe I have really pushed her to her limits. Alam kong nahihirapan na silang lahat pakisamahan ako. Alam kong ginagawa nila ang lahat para iparamdam sa akin na hindi ako nag-iisa, na nandyan sila para sa akin.

            But at the end of the day, it will always be Atlas who holds up the entire sky. It will always be him who tries to lift up the burden all by himself. And no matter how many soothing words people will give him, it will always come down to the fact that he is alone carrying the weight of the universe in his shoulders.

            "Mom, bakit ka nandito? Tapos na ba ang reception nila Daze at Ian? I'm sorry hindi ako nakapunta. I was planning to kaya lang nakatulog ako," simpleng paliwanag ko. Mariin niyang ipinikit ang mga mata niya bago tinignan ang nitso ni Sam.

            "Zade, what's with the tattoos? Hindi mo dapat ginawa 'yan. Look at yourself. Look at what you did to yourself. Anak, you're stronger than you believe."

            Nagsisimula na namang gumapang ang inis sa sistema ko. I don't want to have this fucking conversation with anyone ever again. It's sucking all the energy out of me to constantly try to explain why I feel the way that I feel and why I do the things that I did.

            "You need to let us help you."

            "I said I'm alright, mother. You don't have to worry about me."

            "I think you need psychiatric assistance. May kakilala ang Daddy mo—"

            "I don't need a psychiatrist."

            Mom shook her head and touched my face. "No, Zade. Tingin ko ay kailangan mo ng professional help para makausad ka sa buhay mo. You're only twenty five years old and there's still a lot more in store for you."

            Nag-igting ang mga panga ko. "Nagamit niyo na ang linyang 'yan kay Daze no'ng seventeen siya. It won't work on me."

            Hinaplos niya pisngi ko pero tinanggal ko ang kamay niya.